my poems from before.........advice wanted...

The rain freezes as it turns into tears .
Is the sky crying?
Just like I am?
These questions help numb the pain.
But then it starts pouring ice.
And my mind freezes.
Just like you did
On that faithful winters day
(poem 1)

There you go
Walking away.
You left your old life.
Now you've left mine.
So, where are you headed?
You have no one to go to.
You could have stayed with me,
Started a new life.
But now, no doors are open.
You're walking in the dark.
Where are you headed?
(poem 2)

The light from your eyes fade
Right when I see your face.
When will this pain ever subside?
The pain of death.
Caressing my every wish.
Making them nightmares as I sleep.
Will it ever go away?
The darkness I let into my life.
Will it ever really leave?
(poem 3)

I hold my breath as I go under
Under the blanket of light that has kept me safe.
Safe from the horrors below.
Safe from your embrace.
I open my eyes to see nothing.
No light,
No reflections,
Not your face.
Where are you?
You promised you'd be here.
I move aimlessly in the dark, trying to find my way to you,
Until I realize
You're not here.
You never were.
(poem 4)


(Okay, I'm new to the site, and am looking for advice. I have another poem, and have gotten some advice on it. The advice was basically to have a stronger middle and explain more. Does that imply here? I wrote these before I got the advice, so I want to know what everyone thinks. Please reply/PM me!)

These are all great poems! I actually think it would be a good idea if you added a few more stanzas to each of them, or broke them up into smaller stanzas. I especially like the last one. I think it would be good broken up like this:

"I hold my breath as I go under

Under the blanket of light that has kept me safe.

Safe from the horrors below.

Safe from your embrace.

I open my eyes to see nothing.


No light,

No reflections,

Not your face.

Where are you?


You promised you'd be here.

I move aimlessly in the dark, trying to find my way to you,

Until I realize

You're not here.

You never were."

Happy writing!

Why thank you. ^^
And, thanks for the advice!

I really really really like the first one. Im not a huge huge huge fan i really like rhyming poems, but sometimes theres a good one i go oh I still like that one. So even though the last 3 dont make my fancy I really like the first one. Which means your getting me to enjoy and element of poetry i usually dislike.

lol kool. that makes me happy. ^^

More advice........please.........