Judgement day: chapter 1 (part 1)

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Chapter I


It is the 23rd of March. This day catastrophe, an Apocalypse if you will, was being planned. Not the sort of big explosions kind of thing, but a more suttle way of the world ending. It was being schemed by two very different kind of supernatural forces.
Thoke Harrison looked what we would call normal. He was fairly tall, fit, dark brown hair and dark green eyes, that stood out from his young face. He wore a black t-shirt, blue jeans, black sneakers, a dark brown duster and on his back he carried his 110 centimeter longsword. That could be considered strange, but Thoke had been around some time and the people had gotten used to him carrying it around. If a normal person tried to lift the sword it would take them a lot of work to get a single swing. Thoke who was some what supernatural and had used the same sword for ages could fight with it using one hand. The handle of the blade was green dyed leather. The cross-guard and pommel were silver. The blade itself was steel. It had been used quite a lot, but was not rusted or dented. Those demons sure know how to make steel. He also kept a small dagger on his belt. Better to have it when you need it, rather than not have it and die.
In Denver he hadn´t run into any fight yet, until today. It was around 3.15 p.m. when a strange wave of energy brushed past him. And then all hell was set loose.
Last edited by Nighty Night Gobbo on Thu Oct 30, 2008 7:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"The only good stumpy is a dead stumpy, and the only thing better than a dead stumpy is a dying stumpy, who will tell you were his friends are."




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Interesting start. I would say.

The setting is good and all, but this would have worked better as a prologue.

Because, in a chapter you normally have more description: for example about where is the MC and what do the surroundings look like. And also a chapter normally has some dialogue or description of what the MC is thinking about.

I liked the humor in the chapter.


All Together a very good piece, even though it could be made better.

Keep on the good work.


Regards

*************************************************************************

LORD ANZIUS WUZ HERE :smt029
To copy reality is good... But to create reality is much, much better.
-Giuseppe Verdi-




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Ooh it's the first part
To copy reality is good... But to create reality is much, much better.
-Giuseppe Verdi-




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Ok.....Firstly, I couldn't find anything wrong with it...But I think that it was far too short, and I hope you're going to extend it..... But me like! :smt038
So stadig loop ons deur die pers Jakarandas wat val,die bome word kaal Pa staar na die beeld van Botha wat reis op sy perd,Hy wonder was bloed soveel werd.Soveel jare dra hy aan die naam van 'n plek,Soveel jare moet ons nou laat gaan,Is die naam dan so erg,so bitter en sleg?Hoekom gooi jul dit weg?



The things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling.
— Fabienne Fredrickson