My Inconvenient truth

OK, another poem this one is written about a suicide...hope that you like it. ( this was my first real poem, hehe)

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My Inconvenient truth

My world was turned, undone, destroyed.

Spinning into space.

I sat alone, with just my thoughts-

and tears, my company


How could it happen? Happen to me.

This was someone else’s nightmare.

This was all wrong, how could it be, didn’t anybody care?


An accident my mother said.

I knew that wasn’t true.

There was something else here and now, an inconvenient truth.

And when I asked, confronted, begged,

what I dreaded most was true.

In my heart I knew I’d known the shot was planned and done.


Ending his life all for a dept-

he couldn’t bear to face


There was more I’m sure then gambling dept,

but I will never know

And even though he’s dead and gone,

he loved me…this I know


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So, what do you think? please comment.

- Sim

O_O
what a drama, for God's sake !!!

it's good one, love it!
but it's sad, it really is
what was the inspiration from..?

Hello NinjaRebel! I think I've seen you around, but this is probably the first time I get to critique you, so thanks for the opportunity!

Because you're awesome (and I'm awesomely lazy) instead of writing out a critique, I made a video, along with my twin brother Griffinkeeper! Awesome? Maybe. Anyway, first we read the poem (um... we might possibly be a little too overdramatic) and then we comment on it and suggest things for improvement. So yay!

You can see the video here: http://revver.com/video/1279823/affilia ... ent-truth/

Hope you like it! If you can't see it, PM me and I'll write up a critique. Otherwise, enjoy and have fun watching us twins spaz out on camera.

beyond the mask wrote:O_O
what a drama, for God's sake !!!

it's good one, love it!
but it's sad, it really is
what was the inspiration from..?

thanks um...insperation was from an experience of mine, someone in my family committed suiside.