Rose Petals...

[center] Rose Petals


The faint sound of rain tapping against the window hadn’t lulled Rose to sleep. So many thoughts running through her head made in impossible to sleep. Tomorrow she would choose who she would stay with for the next two years of her life; her parents were splitting up after sixteen years of a loveless marriage. Rose blamed herself silently for this, she was the reason for them getting married being just sixteen herself. She was a love child, not wanted but then loved as she entered the world.
She remembered seeing pictures of her parents wedding, it was simply beautiful. The colors of a deep, intimate pink and an off white decorated the church. Her mothers dress was an off white and strapless, her father’s tux was black with that same pink for his tie. The last little detail was pink rose petals sprinkled down the aisle carefully. Her parents had told her that’s how she got her name. As Rose remember the pictures of the actually ceremony, her mom and dad standing at the alter, she saw that look of regret and then the small bump that was her mothers stomach, her.
Thinking about her parents unraveling marriage brought tears to Rose’s eyes, but deep down she knew it wasn’t really her fault. She whipped the tears quickly away and turned to her other side. She finally felt like she could go to sleep with out a prolong stress keeping her awake. Her eyes drooped until she finally slept peacefully.

“Rose! Rose get up!” Her mother yelled, ripping the covers off of her body.

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Should I continue writing this peice, or should I start over?

I like it so far, your MC seems real already.

The faint sound of rain tapping against the window hadn’t lulled Rose to sleep. For some reason I just love this first sentence, I can totally relate!! So many thoughts running through her head made it impossible[s] to sleep[/s]. Tomorrow she would choose who [s]she would[/s] to stay with for the next two years of her life; her parents were splitting up after sixteen years of a loveless marriage. Removing "she would" makes this sentence flow better, because it's quite long it's best to keep the words short. Silently, Rose blamed herself [s]silently[/s] for this, (I like to aviod starting sentences with the character's name, but that's just me) she was the reason [s]for them getting[/s]they married [s]being just sixteen herself[/s]. You don't need this; you explain it better by showing, rather than telling later. She was a love child, not wanted but then loved as she entered the world. I know where you're going with this, but it just doesn't sound quite right. I'd go with something like "Her parents had been young; she was 'a surprise', their loving way of saying accident." but not exactly like that cos it's late and my creative juices aren't working!

She remembered seeing pictures of her parents wedding, it was simply beautiful. I like this.
The colors of [s]a[/s] deep, intimate pink and [s]an[/s] off white decorated the church. Her mothers dress; [s]was an[/s] off white and strapless, her father’s tie matching the pink. [s]tux was black with that same pink for his tie.[/s] The last little detail was pink rose petals sprinkled down the aisle carefully. Her parents had told her that’s how she got her name. As Rose remember the pictures of the [s]actually[/s] ceremony, her mom and dad standing at the alter, she saw that look of regret and [s]then[/s] the small bump that was her mothers stomach, her. Beautiful.

Thinking about her parents' unraveling marriage brought tears to Rose’s eyes; but deep down she knew it wasn’t really her fault. She whip[s]p[/s]ed the tears quickly away and turned to her other side. She finally felt [s]like[/s] she could go to sleep without (one word) a prolonged stress keeping her awake. Her eyes drooped until she finally slept peacefully.

“Rose! Rose get up!” Her mother yelled, ripping the covers off of her body. ("her" is used too much here, it creates confusion. I would show Rose feeling the sheets being ripped off her body; " “Rose! Rose get up!” Her mother's voice peirced her sleep. Covers were ripped off her body, their warmth yeilding to the cold of morning.")

I really like this. I know I've pretty much ripped it apart, but take it as a compliment! I don't usually bother unless I think the writer has the potential to reallydo well with what they're writing and from what I can see you have some real potential with this! I'd be happy to critique more of it if you continue with this, just PM me.

I think the first and last sentences are rather stereotypical....try and come back with something a little different....

Think of it like this...you're a sales person trying to sell your story....nooone is going to carry on being interested if everyone starts with the same point....

It needs to be memorable and eye catching!

The rest of it is ok though....love the detailed description

thanks I hope I keep writing. I start something and then run out of ideas so I will pm you once I write a page or too. You really helped me thanks!

Its a nice start, let me know if you write more.