Obsession

I am raw and crater pitted, a careful outline across
anger stained fear imprinted chaos.
My body is a tomb stone, an epitaph; my soul is bare upon naked skin
and I see for the first time:
I am interminably unsure, shying away from commitment to opinion,
I am devoid of person, I am devoid of hope and life and the flickering core,
my centre of a smile is disappeared with my flesh, my skin, my muscle.
I am devoid of everything but this
empty starving and this
indecision.

And yet somehow, still trapped inside this burial chamber, I am
conflicting in thoughts of life and thoughts of destruction.
I am clinging to health, friendship and comfort
Not one but many, we are wrapped up in the same blankets and cotton and
the same perfect, all loving arms, a matrix of self-deprivation.

This is no temporary measure. This is no insignificant obsession.
This is swirling through my veins, a virus of the mind and spirit,
I am no longer
beautiful.
But I am no longer
alone.

Another sort of sad eating disorder poem =] I churn those things out. This one is actually a little bit old, but I thought I'd post it because I haven't posted anything for a little while. Tell me what you think?

I love your writing style. Straight, to the point, but still elegant. A breath of fresh air from thirteen years olds writing about feelings they've never had with words as subtle as machine guns.



This is swirling through my veins, a virus of the mind and spirit,

this is my favourite line, but really all of it is great. Angsty, very, but not cliche.


Nice work indeedio ^_^


xxx

Hello lovegalore! I critiqued your poem, but once again, I did a video critique. Don't ask... they're just easier for me to do, just because most of my language is composed of wild hand gestures and big smiles and giggling. I read your poem out loud, so you get to see how well it flows over my stumbling American tongue (haha, oh dear!) and then I comment on the end. If you can't see this video, then just PM me and I'll critique it the old fashioned way, but I really hope these video critiques are more instructive in the end.

Anyway, here's the video: http://revver.com/video/1288201/affilia ... obsession/

Hope this helps!

I liked, it. and I agree, most definatley with the fist critiquer(?) as I have not yet viewed teh other.
It was well written, well presented, and dealt with issues that are really, well important to people, especially younger (than about 24) and older (than about 11)

No one is alone, no-one. whether or not they know it.
Now, that leaves teh stage open for a "god is with you" comment, but I dont go for that.
Look closer to earth for companionship, and you will find others, yearning for the same thing as ye.

Look to the corners of your life, for some small measure of beauty that might, just might, be left.

Lovely work, and for ye, I'll tip my hat

*tips hat*

which is something I dont do. not very often.


P.S. I disagree, machine guns can be QUITE subtle if you want tehm to.