It is love

It is love

Love is like having the ground beneath you disappear
Love is like having the wind knocked out of you
Love is like never wanting to not see that person again...

Love is like hate
Both are the same
Both are powerful, all consuming emotions
Both control your life in ways you never expected

Love is something dangerous
It poisons the mind with thoughts of lust and passion
It makes you change
It makes you evolve
It makes you jealous
It makes you weep
It sweeps you off your feet and takes you on a ride you didn't know was coming
It blinds you
It opens your eyes
It deafens you
It makes you only hear that other persons voice
The world can surely not go on without them
They are everything
They are your life and obsession
They are your joy, depression and in your heart forever
It is love



Needs ton and tons of work please be nice!

"The world can surely not go one without them" it should be on not one...but other than that it was perfect...but what or who inspired you to write this cause its fantastic

Well I'm not usually one for these sorts of poems but I quite liked this one.

I particularly liked the way you coupled the ideas of love and hate; stark opposites becoming closely related is always an interesting concept to explore.

Just a few niggles I had issues with:

Love is like never wanting to not see that person again...

I think the ellipsis doesn't add much more effect that a full stop would but hey that's purely a personal opinion.

Love is like hate

I know you are keeping in check with the previous part of the poem by writing 'is like', however I think that the following lines probably best serve this line to be rephrased as 'Love is hate'.

They are your joy, depression and in your heart forever
It is love

This final 'It is love' would probably work best in a new stanza, thus separating it and giving it emphasis, much like your first 'It is love'.

Carry on writing!

Nikheel

Thankyou so much for your reviews! yea it was so difficult to do this, dragged up some old memories lol but im happy with the result. Ill try and edit it soon thanks again!

Hi Grace--

There are a few things that are desperately needed before this powm can really be considered.

Firstly, and certainly one of the most important, is punctuation. The way this is written, there are no pauses. This occasionally works, but it's very very hard to work a poem with no punctuation correctly: even some of the best poets can't do it.

Second, there needs to be some kind of poetic element in here somewhere other than similies. And also, with the similies, cut out some of the aftermath (like "both are" blah blah, if you are comparing them we know you are referring to both).

Lastly, cut like 90% of the repetition. It's a bit drab, and not really needed.


But, mostly, love poems are like grapes in a vineyard. It's very hard to write a love poem that is different from any other love poem because every other poem IS a love poem. There needs to be something strikingly different about this if it is to succeed, and unfortunately it just doesn't have that difference. Try looking at things in different directions, i.e. a different species, a male's point of view, a friends point of view, etc.

Good luck!

I like it alot, its really good.
What or who was your inspiration or did it just like come to you like my writings sometimes do?
I didnt really find anything wrong with it and i liked the flow within each sentence.
Keep up the good work!

Really good. Most of the poems on this site are mostly pretty emo - reading a love poem is a nice change of pace. I would suggest a bit more form in this poem, for the sheer reason that there isn't enough structure in your stanzas. I love your inspiration and your passion - you're a great writer!

Good work, keep writing!
-KK

Thanks, im still learning, i only wrote my first poem a month ago lol, and i have real trouble trying to make them look neat, they are still so raw in this stage lol - thankyou all for your reviews!

I'm afraid, I find this poem a bit too haphazard.
You already have said it and it's true--it is in the raw state.

Love is like hate

I think this should be the key line to this poem, if you want to make it a little edgy. Try building up the poem on this perspective. It's your poem, but you could try this out.
Such a line, with so much to reflect upon, currently does not occupy much but if it did, it would be different.

And, Via has already said the rest, so

Good Luck!

This was really good. Although it could use some punctuation. And in the line " Love is like hate" it really doesn't work with the rest of the poem, the whole poem is in a happy state then that one line has a very angry state around it. But overall it is a good poem, and you have a talent for it, so keep writing!