Poisoned Roses--Prologue

hey ash,

it's a lot better then before.it flows more smoother than before too.

i like this version i alot better. i am thinking about going back myself and edited the first chapters.


but i like what i see here. the change was for the better.

i will have to check out the other some other time. i am busy with chapoter 6 for Poison love.

Good luck with editing and writing the other chapters.

Night Mistress:

Thanks a bunch!

I know how busy you are with college and it means a lot to me that you take the time to read this.

Can't thank you enough!

Whoa!!

Hey Ash,

Well, I must say, before I start, that I wish that I could have your luck. I mean I have Writer's Block constantly and when I do finally break from the streak anything I write doesn't turn out great...but this was amazing!!!
There were a couple of grammatical mistakes but if you read over you'll find them. They're pretty minor so its not that much of big deal. Also, the repetition of adjectives was another thing but it wasn't a big thing. It just bothered me. Try finding a different word for seductive. Just a suggestion.
All in all,
I can't believe this has been up here for like, forever and I haven't taken a look at it. I am so behind. I still have to read chapter two and three of a Dreamer's eyes. If I don't finish reading the whole thing, I hope all goes well and don't abandon it because I see you have quite a lot here that could probably easily be published because you are an amazing writer. Sorry if I couldn't be of much help.
Happy Writing,
-Angel

Angel of Death:

Hey, it's okay. I am just as overwelmed right now with trying to catch up with everyone's work. I am so behind on reviews....

But anyway, thank you so much for reading this. Right now, this is like my major project so I'm glad you stopped by and read it. It's okay about A Dreamer's Eyes. Whenever you get around to reading it, it's okay. No pressure

Well, thank you again for reading! It means a lot!

After Twilight, I have tried to read other vampire stories and they aren't the same or in comparison...

However, I really like what you have going. From what I've read (I know there's a lot more to it, and this is just the prologue...) this is really good. Great job.

Also, as people before me have said, it already seems unique to the whole vampire thing. I like people who work hard not to make anything cliche.

I look forward to reading more!



-StarDuster

StarDuster:

Thank you!

I'm glad you thought that this was unique. I'm still trying to break away from all the other vampire novels out there and I'm glad to hear that someone thinks I am steering towards that.

I'm glad you liked this!

So you know I edited all of this on the actual manuscript, but want to get a least a FEW points for all that work, so I'll just post my overall chapter impressions.

PROLOGUE: So my main problem was how you began sentences so many times with "I". That needs work. But I do like the passion and air of mystery in this.

Yeah. That was it. We both know I had a buttload of more corrections, but I'm too lazy to post them on the computer. So enjoy looking at that pencil-attacked manuscript

Going on.

First of all, you completely flooded the whole genre with your edited chapters. That's a little annoying. And second, I don't really like this story. I've read most of the chapters and I honestly think you're wasting your time. The cliches are spread thick and the characters are flat and the plot is entirely non-existent.

I would try to be nicer except that I haven't really seen anyone give you a review that really told you what you needed to hear. I think romance can be cute, funny, interesting, but you have made it insipid and dull. Sometimes I tell people just to edit when their stories end up being as cliche as yours, but it doesn't look like this one has much hope. The entire story is based on a cliche so there isn't much you can do.

Your writing, as in your talent with words, isn't that bad. But it is just completely wasted on this insult to all stories. I recently read a really good vampire story and I think you would benefit from reading it. Here's the link: topic34896.html

If you've already read the story it seems like you haven't learned from it so perhaps you should read it again.


I hope you decide to turn over a new leaf and stop wasting your time on a sordid imitations of a thousand other vampire fics. Feel free to read some actual books that might help you improve your imagination and perhaps gain your own writing style.

LittleBitCold:

I was the one who critiqued all of AshleyLee's chapters, so technically I was the one who "flooded the hole genre" with her edited chapters.

And by the way, that post was not constructive criticism. I'd try to put your words a little differently next time.

Kind regards,

KJ