When the world sleeps

5 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 64
was bored when i did this...not much good...thought it was about time i uploaded something new though/

When the World sleeps

Peace did not prevail through the world that night,
Nor the following day, week or month
did it shatter the up roaring drum inside man’s heart
urging them to unnecessarily fight.

The days grew longer, rougher and more hate echoed
Through the concrete world,
Imbedded in mist and heartless chills
The voice of an abandoned child crowed.

No one answered through the still of the night
For the world constantly slept,
Oblivious to the hate just around the corner,
When they woke up, it would be too late.
Last edited by bisquit on Tue Sep 23, 2008 4:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 4166
Reviews 189
Oooh. Chilling. It's one of the few poems on here that, sequentially-makes sense! (just talking about the poems on this site in gerneral. i don't think i've read anything of yours before.) "up roaring" should be one word. Did you mean 'still' instead of 'shrill of night?"
It was good. About the poems when bored thing-sometimes i write best when i'm bored. it's a pretty good poem. Good description, a good conveyance of emotion. just clarify what is so shrill in the night or change 'shrill' to something else. :D




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 64
thanks very much, i will make those changes. :) and thanks for taking the time to read my work :)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1520
Reviews 28
nice and it's really cool. don't need any changes to me, but my poems do need help, so if by chance can you check 'em out?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1408
Reviews 20
short and precise, i liked it . it makes one think doesnt really need changes .my favorite part was

'No one answered through the still of the night

For the world constantly slept,

Oblivious to the hate just around the corner,

When they woke up, it would be too late.'

i liked the use of the word oblivious since its the perfect word to describe the state that we exist in in relation to the dangers and sufferings that the world goes through as long as we are ok. Great poem
unhappy people hate to be reminded that happiness exists. Save your energy.



I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.
— Romans 9:25