out of my hands

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 2
sitting here
waiting
[repeat 2x]

doctors flowing in and out
waiting too hair the good news
that the fact that he's finally gone

sitting here
waiting
[repeat 2x]

the fact your free, and in no harm
the hate you and he had made over
the million year's, is over


sitting here
waiting
[repeat 2x]

thinking of all the shit eating years
you had too en-door,
the pain you and he
had been flowing in and out the door

sitting here
waiting
[repeat 2x]

did you ever stop too think
this might have been good
know get your wishes
for these are your last final day's

sitting here
waiting
[repeat 2x]

doctor's letter the floor
and face you with heart braking horror
they say he had not made it
know your standing there
with your made wishes
did you get what you wished?
the last thing you ever really wanted

i hate you, with so much love in every word.
your wishes come true my darling
with every heart breaking word




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1857
Reviews 28
wow, that's a good one...
you've got good talent, plz dont be discouraged by my comments :wink:
oh yeh, here at YWS we have this rule about how many reviews you have to do before you can post a poem or story (has it changed?), try review 3 before you put something on here
ill review this, but make sure you review plenty of other storys and poems

first thing,
[repeat 2x]

try not to do that, much more pleasant to read if you take that extra time to write an extra couple of lines

there's a few typos here and there:
waiting too hair the good news

to hear i think u were trying to say

you had too en-door,

were you trying to say "you had to endure"?

know get your wishes

for these are your last final day's

um... not sure what you meant there, but i might just be having a slow moment lol
did you mean "now you get your wishes"?

doctor's letter the floor

what did you mean here? litter the floor? i think im having another slow moment lol

its an amazing poem, keep writing!
I have the memory of a goldfish,
The attention span of a squirrel,
But the mind of a WRITER... or a psychopath, one or the other.



A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
— Steve Martin