Against The Odds: Chapter I

They were just so petite. He couldn't help his urge to chuckle aloud. That moment he did, they all coldly gazed at him. He mumbled "Sorry." he knew they were offended "Please continue." Each of the dwarves continued to quietly listen to their leader, who had an abnormally high pitched voice. He was the one who was too naive to be anyone's leader. The civilization of the dwarves knew it but, there was nothing they could do. The leader, Colonel C., declared war on the Minotaurs, which were the most brutal force in all the land. That was the very reason Paul was brought there. It had been awkward ever since Paul arrived in the Land of The Dwarves. Paul was brought here by the one dwarf he was fairly comfortable with, even so it was not by choice. Paul was a normal teenager who was rebellious just like what seemed like the whole teen population. He could just see in their eyes that the species despised him because of his height. Of course it wasn't something that he had control over; he played the genetic hand he was dealt. He was normal for a boy his age back in Emerica. Seth, who was the dwarf who escorted him to this land, swung his hand toward the exit. Paul slowly got up and left the dwarf inhabited room. The screech of the wooden chair against the grubby floor got everyones undivided attention. Paul got several evil eyes from every face in the room, which was about two-hundred eyes altogether. Paul quickly departed the sight of the dwarve group.

Hello, I'll be your critiquer for today.

He was the one too naive to be anyones leader.

Don't forget the apostrophe! It's important!

Seth, which was the dwarf

I think you meant "who was."

got all's attention

You don't have to change this, but I think "everyone's" would work better.

And that's about it. Overall, it's very short, so we don't know much about the story. More description of characters and setting helps!

Kyte

That moment he did, they all took a mean gaze at him.

I'm not sure about this line. I don't like that part 'they took a mean gaze.' This is probably my personal opinion but I think I would reworded it a little.

He mumbled, "Sorry, instead of comma a period" he He knew they were offended Period "please Please continue."

Okay I'm not 100% positive about this since my grammar isn't really the best.

Each of the dwarves continued to quietly listening to their leader, who had a 'an' instead of 'a' abnormally high pitched voice.

I was a little confused throughout it. It's really short so there's not much to understand. I can't say that I loved it because there's not that much of it. I think there needs to be a lot more if this is all of the first chapter.

Sunny

Welcome! Yeah, pretty strange to hear that from a new b, but anyway...

Well, Kyte and Sunny pretty much nailed it, except for in "Paul got an evil eyes from every face in the room," you might want to change it to "got evil eyes" or "got several evil eyes", or maybe even "an evil eye", though I'm not positive. This is actually pretty original compared to most stories like this. Please write more!