Peepholes from heaven

Peepholes from Heaven

Stars are peepholes from heaven,

shining God's light down on us during the darkest of times.

Even the cruelest of people stretch their arms

for the comforting glow

knowing that whatever the trouble is

God will give you strength.

Hello! You totally reviewed my poem, so I guess it's only fair for me to do the same!

I'm one of the tougher critics to please on YWS, so don't mind me too much. I do want to help you out, and hopefully you'll expand this poem and make it prettier.

Anyway... the critique!

Stars are peepholes from heaven, <-- I loooooove the word "peepholes" in this. It sounds too cute.

shining gods light down on us during the darkest of times. <-- I don't like the word "gods." From the sound of it, this is supposed to be a Christian poem, and there is only one god, which is God, right? So you have these multiple gods here and it really makes my brain hurt. Find another word for it!

The trees reach their branches up <-- This part seem random... I would rather you discuss the night sky and then the tree branches coming up so that it looks like they're stretching to the night sky to touch the shimmering glow. Also, did you notice how I used different words like stretch and stuff? You probably want to add some personification to your poem and make it so the trees seem to be real, sort of like Narnia or something. ^_^

for the comfort of the glow, <-- Maybe instead of "comfort" you can use another word that show off better.

knowing that whatever the trouble is

God will give you strength.

And that's it! Anyway, what it looks like you can improve in most is word choice. That is, some words will be a lot less powerful than other words, and the more power you have, the better. So make sure that you words are powerful and don't try to contradict the meaning of your poem! It'll be much better that way. Otherwise, I love your simplistic style. And what can I say... I have a soft spot for poetry about stars.

See you around!

I love it! as had been said, peepholes is just the perfect word.
The one thing I would say is that the ling "healing aura of the glow" sounds a little awkward to me. Try and rephrase it. The choice of words is good but you could even strip it back to "healing aura" or "healing glow."
Still, this is really uplifting. The image is so original that you don't have to say anything else.

I want to say that your poem is so true. God shines His Light on both good and bad people.

Next, I agree with some of the people up there: 'peepholes from heaven' is a really good phrase. It begins the poem well.

I'm a little disappointed that it was so short. Making it a little longer would've brought out more of the potential that the poem could've had.

I also agree that 'healing aura of the glow' sounds a little redundant. Healing glow, Comforting glow, or something else may be better.

Not bad though. Great job~

helo

your poem is quite intresting

good figurative language

nice stunts. but ther are some loop holes

you have to correct


thanks

cheers

okay..erm.. please try to be more specific...