Sempiternal Requiem pt. 1

Author's Note: Yes, my title is horribly purple and flamboyant. I love it. ^^

This is for Cal's Some Kind of Character contest, the first of five entries. The first number corresponds to the word in the table; the second to the photograph. The word is the one from the table.

[056-01: Pig]

She always smiled dearly for the cameras. Her parents were so proud of her. She was their angel, their perfect beauty-pageant-queen angel who could do no wrong. As long as her winnings kept rolling in, Patricia’s parents kept extolling her.

She knew all the moves, every step on the stage by heart. The world saw her as an ideal child. Six years old and wearing makeup that made her look twenty years older. Darling.

Patricia turned away from another camera flash, backstage after the finale of her latest competition, still wearing her crown and holding her bouquet. The other little girls were grouped against the far wall like terrified sheep. Their respective mothers frittered about them, consoling their tarnished-trophy daughters.

The innocent smile turned to a sinister smirk.

The queen skipped over to her former competitors, singling out the runner-up; a rookie beauty queen who had been demoted to beauty princess in just one night.

Patricia put on her innocent face again, coaxing the princess away from her mother’s despairing grasp. Kind words spilled from her mouth like a waterfall, reassuring the girl that it was among her first pageants, and that she would succeed in the future. The princess’s tearstained face brightened slightly.

Behind her back, Patricia crossed her fingers and led the princess to the bathroom. She closed and locked the door, and then pounced. The princess struggled, little limbs flailing, and the queen smiled the whole time. A bitter laugh escaped through her perfect teeth as she pinned the princess down and pulled the handle with all her little might. When the turbulent water settled down, the princess was freed from her prison and ran from the room, sobbing.

Patricia emerged after her, still smiling contentedly.

“Pig!” the princess mouthed at her before turning tail and running.

Six years old and wearing a heart that made her feel twenty years older.

Darling.

angel, their perfect

Semi-colon instead of a comma.

moves, every

Semi-colon.

Saintie! Strangely enough, I think this is the first thing I've reviewed of yours... Anyway, here's a few smallish mistakes.

She was their angel, their perfect beauty-pageant-queen angel who could do no wrong.

I think this sentence could be wither broken up with a semicolon or a period.

Six years old and wearing makeup that made her look twenty years older. Darling

That's an absolutely gorgeous line because it's so true! Especially the beauty queens in the 80's/90's... -shudders-

Patricia turned away from another camera flash, backstage after the finale of her latest competition, still wearing her crown and holding her bouquet.

Whoa. That's a run-on. Also, it's a bit confusing what's going on. Is the competition over so soon then? Did she win? It's hard to tell.

Behind her back, Patricia crossed her fingers and led the princess to the bathroom.

So where are they? Are they backstage still? Are they on the stage where everyone can see?

She closed and locked the door, and then pounced. The princess struggled, little limbs flailing, and the queen smiled the whole time. A bitter laugh escaped through her perfect teeth as she pinned the princess down and pulled the handle with all her little might. When the turbulent water settled down, the princess was freed from her prison and ran from the room, sobbing.

It took me a while before I knew what Patricia was doing to the poor little princess. I thought she was like... punching her at first until I saw the "turbulent water" part. You didn't exactly mention any toilets, so you might see where one could get confused.

Patricia emerged after her,

I don't think "emerged" is the word you meant. I think you meant she either emerged from the bathroom or she ran after the girl. Rephrase that.

And the last sentence was lovely!

Anywhoo, pardon me for this strange imagination of mine, but I imagined this all decked out 80's with teased bleached-blonde hair and blue eye shadow and bright red lips. Tee hee. Sorry. But as for the story, it was wonderful. So very true and realistic. I would've never thought to put beauty pageants and pigs together, but it worked very nicely the way you told it. Poor little princess.

Holly

Whoa. Evil six year olds. Fascinating.
This is hilarious in a black sort of way. Interesting idea you've got there--going into the dark psyches of child stars. I'm not sure how believable Patricia is, but at least she's... intriguing. Also, I'm not clear on what she did to the beauty princess, so you might want to clarify there. All in all, a bizarre and entertaining romp through the twisted world of celebrities. Nicely done.