Wow! That was really good! You're so getting a gold star for that!
She didn’t answer the man and his question.
This sounds a bit odd. The man and his question? I think you should make it one of the two.
anything outside of you’re immediately family
Your. Immediate.
sympathize for the poor girl?”
I don't think he would refer to Miriam as the 'poor girl'. It doesn't go with what I make him out to be.
“I’m going to bed early,”
Get rid of the early. It's unnecessary.
laugh you’re head
Your
That was brilliant! The plot, the characters, the writing... amazing! I loved it. Some of the things the uncle said didn't seem to fit in with his character, but the rest was perfect. I was a bit confused at the ending though, who was it that died? Miriam or Hera? I think you should make it a bit clearer.
Good job!
*Don't expect to see me around much in the next couple of weeks. School has started again, and it'll be a couple of weeks before I've settled in. If you've asked me for a critique, you will get it, but not for a little while. Sorry*
