Job Interview

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I haven't written in a long time, but anyway, here you go, feel free to tear apart :)

----------------------

Climbing lift brings heart to mouth,
as hands shake with unforgiving nerves.
Discomfort and stress carry numbness
of binding ropes, restrictive, tight,
that terrify the mind, and bar
all coherent words. Metal doors slide
silently open to reveal an office
at first glance like any other, but
different upon closer inspection. Potentially
your new workplace.

High-heels clunk on marble floors
as the black and white clad women
deliver aromatic refreshments
to their supervisors. They scrutinise
and judge your every move
as you step towards the director's room.
Hesitant and scared, they think. Avoid
their cold gazes of intense interest.

Smile confidently, display your ivory teeth
as if you own the boldness you lack.
Illuminate your person in a flattering
spotlight - dazzle them all.

Question upon inquiry. He listens
to capture the right answer as soon
as it may fly from your chapped lips.
Sift through words with all the care
you possess, while the coffee mug
steams beside his pale hand, and he glances
up at you, indiscreetly. Eyes have closed
their blinds, betraying nothing. Should
he employ you? Will he? Only
a phone call, some time from now,
will tell you that.

And then, before you've calmed down enough
to allow the tongue to weave its magic
the job interview of your life is over.
The lift exit swings open with a hiss
and you leave the towering sky-scraper.
You breathe again, your pulse
plays and bangs a rhythimic beat
on your sensitive eardrums.

Now, all there is left to do
is wait.
~Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You can never tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things~

Away until August 31st (possibly longer)




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omigosh! This was great. It was really refreshing to get a poem that inspires adrenaline but still kept a clear idea of being a poem, not an action story in short lines. Really, I'm sure you know how rare this type of poem is. Anyway, bottom line is, I don't see anything wrong with it and I commend your success. Gold star, dude.
“To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.” - Freya Stark




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Wow thanks. Didn't think it was that great - but I'm flatterd you think otherwise :)
~Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You can never tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things~

Away until August 31st (possibly longer)




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Hey, Maya! I haven't seen you around in a while!

I think the basic idea was actually very nice, I only felt that the job interview thing was too self-evident in the poem, you actually mentioned it once in there. You could've used words that don't tell us too straight that this is really is a situation like that. This reminded me of a short story, have you thought about making this a little prose? it would work, too, I think!


Metal doors slide

silently open to reveal an office

at first glance like any other, but

different upon closer inspection. Potentially

your new workplace.


This is nicely said and all, but it doesn't really feel like a poem, if you know what I mean? This is when I thought about the short story thing.


High-heels clunk on marble floors

as the black and white clad women

deliver aromatic refreshments

to their supervisors.


I liked this part very much until the bunch of long words in the end.


Avoid

their cold gazes of intense interest.



Smile confidently, display your ivory teeth

as if you own the boldness you lack.


Ooh, this is very good :) Especially the last line.


All in all, your using of words is very talented, just watch it in some parts so you don't mess a good stanza with non-fitting words. Good!


See you,
Demeter xx
"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style

Got YWS?




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Ok, thanks a lot for that :)

Yeah, I'm still pressed for time, even though I'm doen with exams, which is why I'm not around as much as I'd like to be. But anyway.
~Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You can never tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things~

Away until August 31st (possibly longer)




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Hope your exams went well :) I just finished mine too -- they suck, don't they?

As for the poem, I love the way you maintain an air of breathlessness throughout. I really feel the nervousness the poet conveys. I did have one problem, mostly with your sentence structure throughout the first couple of stanzas. Basically you seem to keep repeating a certain style of sentence -- "Climbing lift..." "Discomfort and stress..." "High heels clack..." etc. While it adds some to the suspense of the 'story' I think it is a bit overdone. It makes the poet seem passive - as though she's not really acting, but instead the high heels or the lift are, lol. I guess what I'm saying is that I didn't get much of a sense of the poet herself, beyond the nervousness, and I would have liked a broader picture. Something to work on, perhaps.

Otherwise, a good poem. Kudos :)

Cheers,
~bubbles
Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)



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