Summertime Ain't No Reality

Most of this poem was based on a true story/true stories...mostly of my own...I'm from California and I've spent summers there and when summers over, sadly, you must go back. Oh, and "I-20" which is referred to in this poem is Interstate 20 which runs from Georgia all the way to California(aka I-10)...which is basicallly from the bottom right of the U.S. all the way to the bottom left...just for people who aren't familiar with the states.

Saturday nights in California,
Gliding down a 9-lane highway
In a white '62 Cadillac Seville

Sunday morning rolls in easy
Hiding in the back of our minds
We lie there fast asleep in a huge hotel
In the shadow of the sun

He was all you saw those summer weekends.
The only source producing light
Melting away when you saw him
And in the middle of the night
You saw a love
That should last forever.

Some things weren't made to end.

September creeps around the corner.
Driving slow back home from Long Beach
Back to Brunswick, Alabama,
You wonder where that summer went.

You're drying tears all down I-20.
Trying to rebuild your torn-down soul.
Long Beach-evidently the sad ending,
Of something you were trying hard to start.

Slow southern voices reappear
Ringing heavily in your ears.
Alabama shouts out your name.
Summertime ain't no reality,
Gliding down 9-lane highways
In white '62 Cadillac Sevilles

Longing for California already
You're remembering every second of those three months
Wishing you could turn your 94' buick around and go back
To the summer you left behind

You never realized you were taking it for granted
In the long hot hours in sun
In a daze, you knew California was forever

You didn't even notice you were being timed.

Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful! Just one teensy little thing: "You never realized you were taking it for granite." Granite is an igneous rock. I believe you meant granted.

Other than that: =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>

lol. thanks a lot niteowl..but yeah, that's what i meant.

I really enjoyed the sentiment behind the poem, here's a few things I noticed though...

"The only source producing light "

I didn't like this line, it sounds wrong. I think perhaps it would be better as "Your only light-producing source" or something similar. Either way the line needs to be re-structured.

"Some things weren't made to end"

I'm unusre what you mean here.....is it "Some things aren't meant to end" or "Some things weren't supposed to end." One of those? This is confusing.

"Of something you were trying hard to start"

I think a 'so' pushed inbetween the 'trying' and 'hard' helps the line here. But it's your word choice.


Overall, it was a good poem, however in some places I think a thesaurus might come in handy...your word choice seems often basic and you really want to see some variety mixed around, which would improve it greatly.

Thanks Jack, I can always count on you for good crit.
Anyway, I don't know if I want to change this...I'm trying to decide...

People, I need some more comments on this! Come on!

Mmm. Well, to be totally honest, it felt kind of repetitive to me. Its good, no doubt about that- I like your tone and the flow is competently handled, but...it just needs...something.

Saturday nights in California,
Gliding down a 9-lane highway
In a white '62 Cadillac Seville

OK...nice, gentle beginning. I like it.

Sunday morning rolls in easy
Hiding in the back of our minds
We lie there fast asleep in a huge hotel
In the shadow of the sun

Again. Subtle but clever.

He was all you saw those summer weekends.
The only source producing light
Melting away when you saw him
And in the middle of the night
You saw a love
That should last forever.

I agree with Firestarter, "the only source producing light" needs to be restructured. Otherwise, its good.

Some things weren't made to end.

I like this line.

September creeps around the corner.
Driving slow back home from Long Beach
Back to Brunswick, Alabama,
You wonder where that summer went.

Nice transition.

You're drying tears all down I-20.
Trying to rebuild your torn-down soul.
Long Beach-evidently the sad ending,
Of something you were trying hard to start.

Not sure about those last two lines. "evidently" seems wrong here. A bit too much chopping and changing in perspective, perhaps.

Slow southern voices reappear
Ringing heavily in your ears.
Alabama shouts out your name.
Summertime ain't no reality,
Gliding down 9-lane highways
In white '62 Cadillac Sevilles

Mmmh. Bit abrupt in the middle of this verse. Perhaps another line between "Alabama...your name." and "Summertime..."

Longing for California already
You're remembering every second of those three months
Wishing you could turn your 94' buick around and go back
To the summer you left behind

OK, kind of...blase. I'm not feeling the emotion. Its kind of like a country western song without a guitar. It has rhythm and a song-like quality that is beautiful but the mood is too gentle for the emotion you're describing.

You never realized you were taking it for granted
In the long hot hours in sun
In a daze, you knew California was forever

Quite nice. Again, my reaction is basically...meh.

You didn't even notice you were being timed.

And flump. Well, hate to be rude but you SO need some more impact here. It just kind of stops in my opinion. So much more could be done with this last line.

Like I said, overall its a good poem, but it needs something more. More...emotion? No, it has emotion. More passion I think is what it needs. And a few more abstract images, metaphors, similes, etc. might be nice. Still, I liked it- you have a nice, mellow tone going. Very relaxing.

I really like the titles you come up with! They really catch my eye which is what you need when writing a book and coming up with one to make the person pick it up although you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover, that's what everyone does. This title would really be an influence on weather I buy it or not. I really liked your poem as well from beginning to end. It kept me reading and I loved everything about it. Great work!

Good job as usual, Chevy. I liked the title- I'm horrible with them so anyone who can come up with a good title I definitely admire My favourite lines:

You're drying tears all down I-20.
Trying to rebuild your torn-down soul.

You never realized you were taking it for granted
In the long hot hours in sun
In a daze, you knew California was forever

You didn't even notice you were being timed.

I really liked this ending... bittersweet and clever. Kind of makes it end on an almost remorseful note. Overall, lovely job, Chevy.

I really liked it, especially the last line. The only thing that sort of bugged me was:

"You wonder where that summer went. "

I don't know. It seemed kind of like a past summer, not the summer that just passed... But yeah, this was really nice.

"dident even notice you where being timed"

Good ending, superb poem.
Slightly too long.

This poem caught my attention as well and it was really good. I really enjoyed reading it. I didn't see anything that Jack saw. I think he covered it all. Anywayz good job. Keep up the good work!

wow...thanks guys! im so flattered...thanks...