Life in my heart

Life flies around youthful desire, love and lifework

laughter sweetly colours the air, scattering abundant clouds

Rainbow painted dreams float softly heavenwards

above waters dappled in brilliant sunlight shimmer

Silky breezes harbour children's whispers

nestled in every flower's center

Life is a gem to be kept forever

Wow. That was really good ...

The only thing I have a problem with is the last line. It sounds more like an ending to an essay than a poem. But the rest was fantastico!

Also, I think you wanted this to be in italics. If you did, you may want to edit the post and correct that. But, it's not a big deal.

Welcome to here. Here is good. We like here. Here is our friend...

really good read!

i especially liked 'rainbow painted dreams float softly heavenward'

great job!

laughter sweetly colours the air, scattering abundant clouds

I adore this line. It makes me think of the innocent laughter of small children and how it can always make you smile, even on the worst days of your life.
This poem was really good; maybe find a way to revise the last line so that it better matches the innocence and happiness of the rest of it. That's my only suggestion.

There, I think i've fixed it!!
Thanks for the advice, guys.

This poem definately made me smile a lot. Thank you for focusing on some of the sweetest parts of life--a lot of things written now are so dark. Not that that's bad--it's just nice to have a change. However, I wish there was more than seven lines to your poem--the idea could be expanded on much more. I did like this line, "Silky breezes harbour children's whispers..." Clever wordplay there. Overall, you created a light, innocent poem that was an enjoyable read (at least for me). Nice job. : )

uber uber excellent

Gee thanks. This must be my best!!

It was really pretty and really descriptive.

Since I consider you as a good writer Snoink, this has to be my best!!

I really like this poem. Very beauty full, I really hope you writer something like this again!





S. Torain

This poem was kind of confusing to me, mostly because of how it was laid out. I think it should be put in stanzas. You also should probably have some punctuation in there, too. For example:

Life flies around youthful desire, love and lifework<I'm not quite positive what this means...
laughter sweetly colours the air, scattering abundant clouds.

Rainbow painted dreams float softly heavenwards,

above waters dappled in brilliant sunlight shimmer. you should probably say shimmer[s] or [a] brilliant
Silky breezes harbour children's whispers

nestled in every flower's center.

Life is a gem to be kept forever

That's all I have for you today. Keep up the good work!

This poem was a little hard to follow, but I think I get it. It kind of reminds me of my poem "Life." lol.

I really would have liked to see you put in periods/commas but with the basic read through it was ok. You used very descriptive words that painted pictures which was good.

Keep up the great work.

Josh