You can find the enormity of Sourblood in the one, first thread. Simply titled, 'Sourblood'.
Last edited by Sela Locke on Fri Jun 13, 2008 6:49 am, edited 2 times in total.
Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them.
This was intriguing but too short for a whole chapter.
Okay, here it is: The two guys are interesting and I like the way they talk. The way you described them and the part where the one guy gets alot older is quite odd and interesting. Of course, I have no idea what they are actually talking about but I suppose that is the whole point.
Grammatically and punctuationally it is fairly sound. The first few sentences need to be put into one paragraph but other than that I only saw your normal mistakes.
Still, not disregarding what I said above, you continue to make the main character boring and then make everything that happens to them really awesome and crazy - can't do that, won't let you.
What you need to try is having a story from the inside of someone's head. Practice this: make a really crazy interesting person who really has nothing remarkable about their lives but because of how crazy they are everything that happens to them, however normal it may seem, is actually crazy because it's happening to them. It would actually make this story much better if you made Aslina interesting. You could do that and still keep the plot that you've thought up.
Strangely enough, I really like the name. Something about 'Sourblood' just sounds cool and I don't know why.
"Men invent new ideals because they dare not attempt old ideals. They look forward with enthusiasm, because they are afraid to look back."
