I Think I'm In Love #3

BigBadBear · 2008-02-16T20:33:14Z

You guys have no idea how much your uplifting comments have helped me! I just started this story to get my freaking writer's block to go away. And now you guys were begging for more... so here it is! Part three of... .I don't know how many there will be. Well, part there until the story is done! Thank you all for helping me with this! You've been so great! 3-3-08 I don’t know what to say… I don’t know if I can say it… I just… need to talk to someone right now… and I think that you are the only person that I can… I don’t know what’s happened to him. I mean, sure, he goes and gets drunk, but he has never really done anything that horrible. I don’t understand why he does it… alcohol is so freaking retarded! But then again, it might not only be alcohol. But then again, it might. You see, after Mom left, he’s just… been depressed. I don’t know how to put it down onto paper… I just wish that he would forget about the slut. Then maybe he would stop drinking. Then maybe he wouldn’t have hurt me. Again. He didn’t mean to. I could tell it in his eyes. He came home today and started yelling and swearing at me. It wasn’t unusual. Just unexpected. I tried to ignore his insults, his badgering. I tried to ignore the fact that he smashed the broom handle into my head. But I can’t ignore it any longer. If he does it again, I swear that I’m going to call the cops. Forever, Emily 3-4-08 Wow. Sorry for the highly depressing entry yesterday. I didn’t mean for me to go into such detail. But diary, I needed to tell someone. Okay, now I need to get back to Jesse Brandon. It’s been like three weeks since Valentines Day. And it was only today in school that I finally got a hint to whom he might be! I was just walking down the hall to sixth period when I saw Tender Mercy in someone’s hands. I stopped and stared at him, but I could only get a glimpse at his head. Note: he has brown, curly hair. Not very tall, but not very short. Skinny. I wish that I could have gotten a look at his face! Forever, Emily 3-6-08 I didn’t get another lead on who this mysterious boy was until today. I saw the same boy, in the same hall, on my way to sixth period. Again. But this time he wasn’t holding Tender Mercy. Nope. He was holding his girlfriend. What kind of a jerk would do that? Tell a girl that he loved her, and then have another girlfriend! Ugh! He’s such a freaking… freaking… idiot! But still… it might not be him. I mean, the librarian said that the book was checked out to two people. I saw one of them. Who is the other? Forever, Emily 3-7-08 He hasn’t come home yet. I’m scared. I really am. Right now, I’m sitting on my bed, looking through the window. There is a blackened world out there. It’s just past one in the morning, and he hasn’t come home yet. Where is he? I’m so scared… what if he got in a car accident? He was drunk and he drove home… he got in a car crash! Oh… I’m so nervous… I need him… where is he? Forever, Emily 3-8-08 Sorry about the last entry. I got so worked up over nothing. Well, I shouldn’t say that it was nothing. Dad came home shortly after I fell asleep. He wasn’t drunk, like I had predicted. His friend, Timmy, had a seizure and Dad rushed him to the hospital. Dad told me early this morning that Timmy had been diagnosed with liver cancer because of his drinking problem. I was so surprised… liver cancer? I had known Timmy not that well, but it still seemed like he wouldn’t have cancer. I thought I must’ve been dreaming. But I wasn’t. I woke up to go to school today and found a note on the counter saying, “I threw out all of the beer from the fridge. Emma, please don’t let me buy any of that anymore. I’m down at the hospital with Timmy. Love you, Dad.” And right then, and there, I started bawling. Forever, Emily 3-12-08 There isn’t much to talk about. Dad’s doing better than he was. Well, he is looking a lot better than ever, I’d have to admit. He hasn’t bought a single beer ever since the seventh. I’m so happy for him. As for me, I’m studying like crazy. In my choir class, I have to learn a solo. I didn’t even sign up for the freaking class, and still, Mr. Bek makes me sing a solo… and my voice sucks! Who would want to listen to a squeaky teenager? We have a history test tomorrow. I know I’m going to fail. I have to sleep through that class. It just is so terribly boring! My rose died a while back. Did I ever tell you that? Anyway, something else died along with the rose: my love for Jesse Brandon. I never even thought that I loved him. It was more of just a… find-out-who-sent-me-the-freaking-rose hunt love… but I come to find out that he was all I could think about. Both of the Tender Mercy books have been returned to the library. The sub librarian won’t tell me who had them, even if I desperately plead with her. I guess I’ll never find out who he is. It could have been the boy with the brown, curly hair. It could have not been. I don’t know. Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you. My mom is coming home. Forever, Emily * Thanks for reading, guys!

Wolf

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Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:49 pm

Wolf says... · Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:49 pm

I don't owe you any more critiques, but I wanted to find out what happens to Emily.

I have to say that I'm kind of disappointed. Her dad just suddenly got better? No! I mean, maybe Emily should help him struggle out of his addiction? The way it is, with just a note, seems impossible and kind of... too perfect. I've heard that quitting alcohol can be really tough -- why was it so easy for her dad?

But asides from that, I like it. I'm glad that Emily is having trouble finding out who Jesse Brandon is; it makes her life more believable.
.. that came out wrong. I'm not mocking her pain or anything -- I'm glad that she's having trouble for the sake of an interesting story, not because I get joy out of other people's (even fictional character's) grief. Lol, no. I'm not THAT evil! XD

My critique for #2 basically applies here as well, so I won't bother repeating myself. Suffice to say that I think you should make the reader relate to Emily more, and that it's a little too perfect with her dad quitting the booze, but overall I enjoy the story.

I want #4!

Keep writing,
Camille

everything i loved
became everything i lost.

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Foreseer

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Wed Feb 27, 2008 5:24 am

Foreseer says... · Wed Feb 27, 2008 5:24 am

That was a short one but I really thought for a second there that it was all coming to an end. It almost sounded like Emily is sinking into depression, poor girl, but parts of her life are getting better. So far pretty good, don't be afraid to put more of her feelings out there.

Looking forward to part four. :wink:

*~*Foreseer*~*

~*~It's Not Faith If You Use Your Eyes ~*~
- Miracle by Paramore

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STARGAZER14

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Sat Mar 01, 2008 10:09 pm

STARGAZER14 says... · Sat Mar 01, 2008 10:09 pm

personally i'm still loveing your series but i do think that the ending was a bit to perfect
sorry but i do

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ashleylee

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Sat Mar 15, 2008 6:11 pm

ashleylee says... · Sat Mar 15, 2008 6:11 pm

Oooohhh, I like the ending there! "Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. My mom's coming home." Nice job. That will definitely keep the reader wanting more.

"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach

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chyeahmclovinx3

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Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:37 pm

chyeahmclovinx3 says... · Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:37 pm

well, dangg.
im super glad her dads getting better.
it always takes something big to get them to realize it.
becauase at first i hated him, but yay [x
i cant wait .
reading the fourth part now

"in spite of everything, i still think people are good at heart" - anne frank.

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