The Something Beneath the Stairs, No. 3

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Regards from Captain Daniel Followay, USS Sparrow

My darling,

It is with great jubilation that I shall tell you the news- I have received word that the Sparrow shall be moving towards the Sound in a fortnight.

We simply do not have the supplies to stave off the blockade on Boston; however, it is believed that if the opposition sails south to capture it from inland, my little bird shall be lying in wait. To have you here with me, to see it…it is the most beautiful thing, miniature- with its precious six guns and Molly on the bowsprit with the sparrows in her hair. We are a fourth, a fifth of the size of the opposition, but oh, how many times more fleet? Uncountable, infinite times.

I miss you so.

Send word of Jack’s child, if she has been born. Send them my love.

Yours,

Daniel
____

The Third Account- Nicholas Bloom

Nicholas climbs to the crest of the knoll behind the Beach House, his shuffling feet uprooting stray grass clinging to the sand.

Beyond him is the high tide, and the peak of Salem Rock, and past that, Solomon’s Lick. His world, encapsulated before his eyes.

The sky had been like this the day he’d injured his foot: pink and vibrant, with gray eating away from it to the west- a threat of storms. “Storms” usually meant that his mother did a lot of pacing and sipping from bottles until Katerina replaced the wine with milk, and that the both of them, with wild, crazed looks in their eyes, would forbid him to go outside until the dirt had dried completely.

Just as he readies himself to sit, he notices something he never has before- a small shed, with green paint peeling from its sides and weak candlelight emanating from the warped wood door.

New discoveries are a rare occurrence.

Ignoring the constant stabbing of reeds, he slides down the knoll and proceeds slowly towards the shed, feet stepping carefully through the sand and ears so alert they twinge when gulls cry, sending shivers down his spine.

Splinters of wood cut into his cheek as he presses it to the door, listening. For a moment, there is nothing.

He counts to five.

A woman begins to cry, somewhere deep within. The sound is soft, nearly beautiful in timbre, and yet it is the most revolting thing he has ever heard.

Nicholas wrenches himself from the door and shuffles towards home, arms crossed over his chest.

He is freezing, teeth chattering- as though he has been dumped into the sea.

____


Regards from Captain Daniel Followay, USS Sparrow

Darling,

I write to you in tears. Perhaps it shall be easier to tell you these things with quill and ink, for my chest aches terribly…

We journeyed south, naïvely thinking the Opposition had left all their boats in Boston, and had not bothered to follow us- or rather, did not travel faster. And there they were, waiting at the mouth of the Sound, sinister red and navy bars snapping in the wind.

They were the first to fire. Half of my men went down with the first cannon blast, the other half scared witless and praying aloud.

And the second blast…I do not remember it exactly. All I remember is the ship beginning to tip to one side, and my boots beginning to slide in the mess of salt and blood.

I did what any Captain would do. I fought my way up to the bowsprit and stood there, coattails whipping at my thighs, and sung a hymn- I don’t remember which one. I prayed, perhaps, sinking to my knees with exhaustion by the time we were submerged, the Opposition laughing and cheering and exchanging drinks. One of them handed off his wineglass to someone, a friend perhaps, and fired his pistol with one hand.

And I’m fairly certain I felt something bite at my chest, but I can’t remember any pain with it, merely blackness.

I awoke sometime later with the oddest sensation- being pressed flat to the ground. The water was everywhere; drenching me, drowning me, the salt burning my eyes. My legs were stiff and cold, and I tried so hard to rouse myself from my position, but oh, the sand pulled and pulled me back…

All I thought of was you, darling.

My fingers pulled me along rock by rock, with little fish darting betwixt them. Directly above me was a tiny pinprick of light, shimmering down and cruelly flickering about.

I struggled for hours, praying and praying that I would be able to find you.

And when I arrived on shore, my lungs gasping for breath, you were there. You rushed to my side and began to weep, calling desperately to the house for bandages.

You put your fingers to my neck, pressing them constantly, so hard it hurt.

That was when you screamed.

It hurt me so, my dear- my ears still ring with the sound. Have I displeased you? Have I disappointed you by fighting to come back, such that we should live as a normal husband and wife?

Such that we should be happy together?

It confuses me so. I shall sleep in the carriage house until I find somewhere else to go- I anxiously await word from you.

Yours,

Daniel
Last edited by Sam on Wed Jun 13, 2007 3:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
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left all their boats and Boston
boats in Boston, yes?

husband and life?
husband and wife, I assume.

---


I read all this earlier, but I can't remember what I thought... xD I'll have to reread it. Later. ... Outlining now heh.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




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Hey, I'm doing this on behalf of the CCF.

Characters

I'm not sure if the guy writing the letters is the same as the one in the narrated part. The character from the letters is well thought of and in depth. The one in the narrations is a bit flat. There isn't a whole lot to get an impression of him with.

Plot

I'm a bit confused here. I'm not really drawing a connection between the letters and the narrated events. I think there is one but it's not clear so it appears as two subplots to me. I see one connection of setting but other than that they dont really connect for me. It might help to clarify.

Sentence Structure

This was much easier to get involved with it. Youyr sentences flow togehter well and keep the pace without dragging. With the amount of description you have it is a really amazing thing. I noticed a section that I thought should be referenced in past tense.

He is freezing, teeth chattering- as though he has been dumped into the sea.


I know this is written in present tense but I think that should referenced in past tense.

Overall

This is very well written. The letter sections are amazing. They are prominent in this section.
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Sam,

I love you! It is so wonderful and there is not much critique-y wise to say.

Ta,
Cal.

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Fraser: Stop stealing the blanket.
[Diefenbaker whines]
Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake.
(Due South)

Hatter: Do I need a reason to help a pretty girl in a very wet dress? (Alice)

Got YWS?




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I do believe I like this. Quite a bit. The fantastic part is that I am not sure why, which adds an unnameable draw to the story.

I love the descriptions of the ocean, they are viciously beautiful. But not too complicated like mine tend to be.

Both Nicholas and Annabelle are vivid and compelling characters but also subtle enough that you really want to learn more about them.

My only complaint is that I am slightly confused by the letters and their connection to what is currently happening. I would guess, for I do have a few imaginations of my own, but it would be stupid if they were wrong and so I will say nothing.

Great work. Write more.
"Men invent new ideals because they dare not attempt old ideals. They look forward with enthusiasm, because they are afraid to look back."



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