The Song of the Divine

I wrote this earlier, as a bit of history for my world. Tell me what you think! I will continue if I get some positive feedback. This was very adventurous for me...

Since fate unravelled the first string of time of the first era, divine were known as gods, and their followers, were mortals. Of course, the era of the Heavens saw all peoples to be of divine cause, and it was a strange passing that it should end with mortality for all. During this time, there was only one God, who took the heavenly souls of the (now) humans and made them his own, unifying their power. Common faith of the era, said that this divine lord was evil, but the belief was opposed by him, and he denied it. He was entitled the name Nargus, which by the tongue of Visgards meant ‘cruel’, for the desire for freedom grew. Many feared him however, and even the bravest of peoples spoke seldom of him. But there was one who remained from the first era, of divine properties still. His name was lost, but he was referred to as Serigi by those who knew of him, which few did, of course.

Serigi took the form of a handsome warrior during the first era, but following this, reclusion claimed him and he turned to an elderly man, looked to for wisdom and counsel in dark times.

As others did, Nargus became aware of him also, and sought to challenge Serigi. “I ask only for peace, and propose you forget of me” said Serigi, “and if you cannot offer that, then you deserve not even what your people grant you.”

Infuriated by this, Nargus furthered the challenge. At the turn of the Visgardian year, he descended to earth, taking the form of a mortal kinsman, wishing to dwell there for a single year. Thus two divine walked the land. Time moved by slowly, and still he remained hidden. His rejection to guide the people, and lead them through peace resulted in freedom, but with no leader, chaos ensued. But from it sprung and evident truth. Its presence had not been known on the face of man before, but its name was war, and it governed the land through a villainous time. Peace was buried amongst a graveyard of conscience, next to moralities and leadership. Freedom had always been a longing, but doubts soon escalated. For from freedom, it was decided, ideals from everywhere could be brought about, and so it became a dread.

The curses of Nargus were many, and ironic, for they were intentional for he was so unintentional. Throughout this year, the sun was never high enough in the sky, and the people were never content enough. Ill they were, and dismayed also. The minor of the fates involved the solitude for Serigi, for those who knew him then feared the wrath of Nargus, and what would become of them should they remain with Serigi. Nargus therefore, stood at the three-way road of fear, and beckoned them hither. They did of course oblige, for concern of else wise ends bested greater.

Hence it was known, Nargus Fear-bringer.

Towards the lattermost end of the year, Serigi gathered his wits and decided upon the challenge. To accept was to be the greatest of difficulties in itself, for he needed to walk the yonder alone, in search of the confrontation. His only director lingered in his heavenly guidance, locked within an abyss in his mind. It proved strong, for it brought about success, and the two divine met.

With them, they carried a breath of air that would soon sweep the world, and reface it forever.

I liked this bit of background. I don't think it was written as well as your EverWayward pieces, but the information was solid and interesting. For me the writing just didn't flow. You can tell where it almost becomes a story within itself but it never seems to make it there.

I think this also has to do with the fact that you are just giving information, which makes this a good read. I would be interested in reading more if you wrote it.

Good luck with EverWayward!

Thank you KotN!

It was a nicing filling bit of background, but it really did not grab my attention. I only thing that kept me reading it was that it was short.

I personally, would like to see this flush out a bit so that maybe I am not left to wonder what happened next.

Also this background is for what story?

Well, the first thing I noticed was that it sounded like a cross between the Torah, the Greek mythological chronicals, and the Sylmarion (hope I spelled that right. Know I didn't). The next thing was the only true error I found: when refering to divine beings of which there are more than one, it is gods, not Gods. The "G" is only capitalized when refering to the higher being in a monotheistic religion.

I liked it overall, but the first sentence was... blah. Meh. Dull, and not a hook. I love hooks. Most people do, and that seems to be a bit of a difficulty with you. With Tolkein, too, actually!

I assume pretty much everything here is purely from your imagination, which leads me to a question: Did you get the idea of "Visgardian" from the place Asgard, realm of the gods in Norse mythology (home of Freya, Loki, Odin, Thor, etc.)? It seems a strange coincedence.
Because it's hard to think of a hook for something like this (no action, no movement. Not a painting in words, but a backstory of a world), I'm gonna give you a few suggestions, which you may throw out the window at your whim.

"The rulers of Fate, of future and past, the divine, have/had long accepted their role in the minds of those called mortals: gods."
"Since Fate unravelled the first string of Time, the divine have been known as gods, their followers as mortals."

Something like that, a little more catchy. A metaphor, simily, or other tool of creative writing will work well here.

Very Tolkein-esque. I suppose that narrows the spectrum of readers who will enjoy, but whatever! And I see you've found a title! Congrats!

Oh thanks Pickle! This was meant to be more of a tale, and it will be included in my novel, as it will be very important, but thanks.

Did you get the idea of "Visgardian" from the place Asgard, realm of the gods in Norse mythology (home of Freya, Loki, Odin, Thor, etc.)? It seems a strange coincedence.

'Visgardian' comes frm 'Visgard' which comes from 'Vofeld', which is a place in my novel. One of the four islands of Boutan, Serigiil, Vofeld and Faraheight.

Anyhow thanks for the advice!