Lyrics about past rape

It’s me versus the blade
I’d like to lose our battle this final time
But what about your friends? You say
Why can’t you seek God and pray?

No
Where are their hands to hold?
Where are their hearts of “gold”?
Where are God’s gentle words?
I will never again breach these two worlds
No note on the screen
No message on the machine
They don’t care if I fall
They won’t miss me at all

He said he wouldn’t push me
He knew how much I cared
Our kiss held me captive
I grew terrified by his stare
With the music blaring and the lights dimmed low, no was not an option
He took my body for himself
What a brutal seduction

Where are his hands to hold?
Where is his heart of “gold”?
Where are God’s gentle words?
I will never again breach these two worlds
No note on the screen
No message on the machine
He doesn’t care if I fall
He won’t miss me at all

Wet and cold on the shower floor
The water stained red
Where had all my dreams gone?
They died once we hit his bed

Where are your hands to hold?
Where are your hearts of “gold”?
Where are God’s gentle words?
I will never again breach these two worlds
No note on the screen
No message on the machine
You don’t care if I fall
You won’t miss me at all

Welcome to Young Writer's Society. Just for the record, we have a rule around here that you review two pieces before posting one. That way, the site doesn't get overflowed with non-critiqued works.

Now that that's out of the way, on to the poem.

Wow. A rhyming poem about rape? In my opinion, rhyme and serious subject matter don't mix. Sometimes you stretch a line to fit in a rhyme, most notably in

With the music blaring and the lights dimmed low, no was not an option

I'd suggest forgetting the rhyme. It's okay in some parts, but usually it detracts from your story.

Also, "I'll never again breach those two worlds" is a bit unwieldy.

I'm also confused about "you". If "he" is the rapist, then who is "you"? Perhaps the first stanza would make more sense if you clarified this.

Wait a minute? Are these supposed to be song lyrics? If so, then there's a different forum for them. Hopefully a Mod will see this and move it to the correct location.

Overall, pretty good job. Keep writing!

Wow, I love this poem it just hit me with alot of emotion it's perfect and well it's great. I wish you could expand it alot more and if it isn't lyrics it's shouldn't repeat it can get annoying (no offence of course). Anyways happy writing and keep up the good work.

Lyrics should be placed under "Lyrics" not "Lyric Poetry," which is something entirely different. Now, lyrics may also be considered poetry, so I think it's okay if you keep them here. But if you would like them moved, contact a mod (people with the dark green names).