hope

Flowers that bloom in the forest shade cannot be seen,
But the light of hope shines bright in the Children's eyes.

As kin they love without fault,
And light the black of fear
With compassion beyond love,
Protecting us from tears of the heart.

Flowers bloom in the shade,
A forest of shadows,
Which cannot be seen
But by a Child's naked eye.

Bring joy from dark,
Hope among helpless,
Love behind hate,
And smiles amid tears.

Flowers bloom in the shade,
Their beauty not visible along the forest floor.
The Children light the way,
Protecting us from withered darkness.

This is pretty. I think some of your imagery could be stronger and the flow is a little rough in places but you have a beautiful theme. My first suggestion to you is to expand your vocabulary. The base of the poem is very simple and would benefit from some more elaborate description.

Also, the flow and rhythm feels weak. It's smooth and graceful but it's slow and seems to drift away. And some of your lines are too fragmented. Here's some suggestions -

Flowers that bloom in the forest shade cannot be seen,
But the light of hope shines bright in the Children's eyes. [This is pretty but a little drawn out. Some of the words you've used are redundant. Perhaps aim for ten syllables each line like -

Flowers that bloom in the forest shade are hidden or
Flowers that bloom in the forest shade are eclipsed or
Flowers that bloom in the forest shade are obscured or
Flowers that bloom beneath the trees are veiled. Just a few ideas but if you use a thesaurus, you could probably find something even better.

Then I'd suggest completely changing the second line. Describing hope as a light and combining it with the imagery of eyes is rather unoriginal. Try to think of a new way to describe it.]

As kin they love without fault,
And light the black of fear [Black is very simple and plain. Why not void or abyss or even something completely original. Think of fear and then consider how it feels and how it can be described.]
With compassion beyond love,
Protecting us from tears of the heart.

Flowers bloom in the shade,
A forest of shadows,
Which cannot be seen
But by a Child's naked eye. [I like the suggestion that only the children see the shadows, almost like the monsters in the dark and it's a nice twist that they're also the future and protection against the shadows by the end of the poem.]

Bring joy from dark,
Hope among helpless,
Love behind hate,
And smiles amid tears. [This stanza is very fragmented and it doesn't say anything new. It's pretty but it's also standard. Try to make it stronger, more unique.]

Flowers bloom in the shade,
Their beauty not visible along the forest floor.
The Children light the way,
Protecting us from withered darkness. [I like the ending.]

Overall, I think it's a reasonable poem but I also think there's room for improvement and you're not using the full potential of the theme. Read through it and think of what you're trying to say clearly, then develop the imagery further. Don't be afraid to use a dictionary or thesaurus to find some good words but don't overload it with long, complicated vocabulary.

If you have any questions, feel free to pm me and if you decide to write a second draft, feel free to let me know and I'll gladly take another look at it.

Heather xx

I think you're trying a little too hard to be cryptic here, especially in the first two lines. They really don't need to be so long, so use this opportunity to see how much you can say in as few words as possible.

Similar in the rest of the poem, I see obviously what you're trying to say, given the second to last line of the poem, but make sure all your images fit together. The second stanza, especially, seem like a random string of lofty words that should give an overall effect. However, since these words don't mean anything when put together, that doesn't happen.

And in that sense, the third and fifth stanzas are the best ones. There's the imagery of a forest that continues through both of them. There's a sort of tone in both of them that just works. Whereas the other stanzas, where maybe something was attempted through being cryptic, these two stanzas actually do work together and for each other and for the poem as a whole.

Scrap the lofty incoherentness of the first, second, and fourth stanza. Keep the second and fifth and see what you can make of them because they are a good, solid place to start.