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This is a poem based on a part of one story I'm writing. Not too sure on it to be honest.
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Intricate detail might be a little too much to take right now
Yet watch his eyes as the watch the mirror
Then shift to his free hand and watch his fingers slips
Let's hope someone spots what is on the road ahead


Now seriously, see what he saw
Watch hand slide up leg
On the backseat
And, really now, we see the detail


So watch what falls out his back pocket and everyone gets the wrong impression
No but I mean really look at his lips and then,
Do you see a collision?


Really though, your eyes should be looking ahead
That's the real crash
But no jealousy is more important


Now honestly is the time to zoom out though,
Cause seriously
That's a crash you're setting yourself up for




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-Save-Ferris- wrote:This is a poem based on a part of one story I'm writing. Not too sure on it to be honest.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Intricate detail might be a little too much to take right now
Yet watch his eyes as the watch the mirror
Then shift to his free hand and watch his fingers slips
Let's hope someone spots what is on the road ahead


Now seriously, see what he saw
Watch hand slide up leg
On the backseat
And, really now, we see the detail


So watch what falls out his back pocket and everyone gets the wrong impression
No but I mean really look at his lips and then,
Do you see a collision?


Really though, your eyes should be looking ahead
That's the real crash
But no jealousy is more important


Now honestly is the time to zoom out though,
Cause seriously
That's a crash you're setting yourself up for


Hmm...This can be improved by a lot. Fix the rythm and words up a bit. Keep up the good work!

-Rick




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im not trying to be mean or anything but this poem makes no sense to me you might want to consider reviewing it and make it more understandable




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 48



You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind