This could have gone in non-fiction, but I can't verify anything I claim in this paper, so I thought it would be safer here. Enjoy (I hope)
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Everyone who has ever been to the grocery store, or gone shopping near the end of December, knows how it feels to stand in line waiting to be checked out. One will often ask oneself if a more pointless endeavor could be conspired were the whole of history’s geniuses and problem-solvers set on the task for an aeon. People stand in checkout lines for many different reasons, however. Some, obviously only want to pay for their goods and go on about their lives, but others have many diverse and enthralling motives for queuing in such a linear position.
Many people do not care about standing in line; they only want to leave the store with clear consciences. Others could not care less about their moral footing. Some will enter a store posed as an upstanding shopper out to gather the week’s groceries, or purchase a gift for a loved one, but once they have set their façade of righteous character, they ruin or steal merchandise as they come to it. The produce section is a good example of such a renegade’s hunting ground. They will examine a bunch of grapes or a bag of nuts as any savvy shopper would do, but then eat the produce as they continue to traverse the store. The real crime occurs in the checkout line. These people ignore the short checkout line where they will be quickly serviced and easily observed, but instead imbed themselves in the overcrowded, bustling hubbub that is a new cashier trying to cope with an unexpected rush of customers. They then subtly place the offending packaging, along with any leftovers, on the candy rack dividing their controlled chaos from the one alongside. No one ever notices this damning piece of evidence until the culprit has long left the store.
Another such crime that takes place in the checkout line is the theft of small goods off the “last call” rack. These racks that serve to divide lines, and generally organize the departure of a store are prime opportunities for merchants to give people one last opportunity to purchase those trinkets they may have overlooked in the magnitude of the other products lining the shelves. Matches, small tissue boxes, decks of cards, magazines, and candy are just a few of the items that make this “last call” rack. Many people have taken this opportunity to pick up some forgotten, but nevertheless quite necessary article. Thus these “last call” racks are a helpful addition to any store; however, there are those who would seek to pervert this noble aid to the absentminded. They will make use of such hubbub as was mentioned afore to purloin those small trinkets that make life so much easier, but yet are too inexpensive to warrant an alarm device being planted on their tag. The total cost of such appropriation comes to far more than that of other more valuable items, for such treasures cannot be stolen with relative ease, or in as large quantities as can small theftables. Regrettably the cost of keeping such a “last call” rack stocked nearly exceeds the profit made from those upstanding citizens who purchase rather than pilfer off of it.
Finally, there are those who will believe anything in print, who come to the checkout line eager to lay their hands on the newest edition of The Completely Implausible (not a real tabloid). Such people do not seek to exorcize demons from these periodicals, or to bless them with spiritual gifts, but wish to lose themselves in the warped reality that would-be editors present to the public. Though unfit for human consumption, these tabloids yet stock the shelves amid other such upstanding trash as chocolate and gum. Their presence in this physical realm serves to delight children, and perturb parents. Headlines such as “Donald Trump Buys Nessie for Pool Party,” “Baby Born with Image of Abraham Lincoln on Posterior,” and “Man Discovered with Three Buns” attract the attention of even the most rational youngsters. Asking why it was impossible for John F. Kennedy to be a girl will only raise the most disdainful of glances from a parent, but offspring still innocently ponder aloud exactly how it would be possible for one to correctly predict the end of the world.
There are many reasons people enter a warehouse, but some are obviously less evenhanded than others. It is a disturbing thought to consider that the person one just passed in the supermarket could be there for the express purpose of stealing a pack of baseball cards from right under the cashier’s nose, or to peruse the pages of a magazine headlined “U.S. Military Makes Contract with Human Bat to Protect Earth from Impending Alien Attack.” Clearly there are numerous causes driving people into a checkout line, but one can only stay one’s own hand from such iniquity, and influence those one meets to the betterment of society.
