the sun

The Sun is a star
And a burning light illuminating the world
That you can see from afar

It is the colour of fire
Burning bright in the sky
It lights up the earth
In an orange blaze

As we twist around that ball in space
All parts of the world look at it face to face
with all its glory
shining high above our heads

~Ude Dude~

Before I get to my crit, let me welcome you to YWS. "It rocks my face off!"

I can tell that you're trying, but, it's really bland and plain. It sounds so ... no offense ... fifth grade science project-y?

I mean, "The Sun is a star?" That is way too ... under-embelished. Again, too plain.

It seems like you're stating the obvious, which you are. "...it illuminates the world," ..."the colour of fire," "It lights up the earth..."(that just repeats line two).

You get my point.

Yeah, try to break free from the cliches. It's hard to at first, but you can't write poetry if you're going to just write what we've all heard a thousand times. We know the sun is a star. Tell us something only you know.