The world is a bitch (we already know)
Our society sucks and continues to grow.
But in reality there is nothing we can do
But hang on to hope
And believe only what's true.
1) Do not comment on your poem. I deleted that post.
2) Poems that have smilies in them should be kicked into submission. Why? Smilies are cheesy. And they make your poem cheesy. And cheesy poetry is probably not a good thing.
The whole thing rhymes. But it's really too obvious to be very powerful. It's sort of like the message, "Don't do drugs!" Yes, it's short and to the point, but is it really effective? Many would argue and say no. Same with this poem. Try to demonstrate why the world is a bitch. Show us, don't tell. Then you'll get something good.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
*dies* I'm going to appoligize in advance for this critique.
This isn't poetry. Simply because something is "expressive" does not instantly make it a poem. Let's go through this line for line.
The world is a bitch Why? Find a better word for bitch. Swearing is being lazy with your literacy. (we already know) We do? How do we know? Our society sucks and continues to grow. Sucks is such a lame word, be more articulate than that. But in reality there is nothing we can do So it's hopeless? But hang on to hope Hypocricy! And believe only what's true. What's true? All I've been told is life sucks, and we can't do anything about it.
Cliche topics such as "life sucks" are really annoying and tend to be preachy. Trust me, I've written my share and realized how bad they were later. Can I be brutally honest? Trash this and start again.
This is not a poem, it is an outburst with line breaks. For all our sakes, keep it in your journal.
Regarding swearing--"bitch" was only there for shock value, and that's not justification for offensive language. Think twice before you use swear words. Do you really need them, or are you just trying to get a reaction?
-Colleen
"My pet, I've been to the devil, and he's a very dull fellow. I won't go there again, even for you..."
