I love the style of this, and the tone. Unfortunately, it isn't quite sophisticated enough somehow to pull off what you're going for. The verses feel too disconnected and incoherent and there isn't enough of a common thread to give the reader a sense of context or connection. I'm not quite sure how to set about correcting it; you could maybe play with the enjambment a little, and the punctuation, to create a greater sense of flow, and perhaps build on the tone a bit more somehow. Strange as it sounds, I feel it's not quite pert enough. Add some more snark, lol.
Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts. — Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind
