Footnotes

this is my suicide,
love note on paper.
this is my oblique
and mystified demise.

the outgoing tide reveals the rocks
of your good opinion
and the shipwreck of my liberty:
I stood too close, and like a fool
I jumped (I wanted to find out
how it felt to die).

but every tide comes in again
to rot the ropes that bind the ships;
and every cliff that breaks the waves
can itself be broken, words unsaid
can now be washed away;
and I reclaim the beaches and the shores.

this is me in genesis,
shape me how you will, because
this is my rebirth.

----

This is an old one, but I felt like posting something (I just realized how long it's been since I actually posted some of my own work O_O) and the theme seemed apt

Nice job, Bubble! althought don't let penguin attack se your signature

Hey Bubbles -- I thought the italicization of "suicide" and "rebirth" was unnecessary - leave it up to the reader to apply significance to the placing of these words rather than lighting them up. I thought despite a good few starting lines it began to degenerate -- especially stanza 3, which I thought was the worst part. I think you can do better than resorting to forward slashes to divide your words and weak connections like "words/written" and "lips/spoken". S4 I think had strength, and combined with S1 and S5 I think you have some ideas worth saving but reworking into something better.

Great work Bubbles, very creative, yes! God Bless, KIM

Hey, Bubblesy! I thought I had already reviewed this? Strange.

In any event! I'll second Jack on the italicization was unnecessary. Also, if you really want to give pause to the first line to emphasize "suicide" you could switch that comma to a dash. Forced emphasis, sans the almost cheesy effect of italics. And I love those first two lines

Third stanza I would simply do away with -- the poem's stronger without it.

It's good to see you posting poetry again! Cheers, love.

that was an over all good poem.




though i have a question about your icon, How do you know the guys name was "dave"???heh heh ,j/k i had to say it

Thanks for the crits, guys. Any better with the italics and third stanza gone?

Excellent poem. I loved the imagery and word choice, my favorite being "the shipwreck of my liberty".

Keep up the good work~