Missing you...

I don't like that look in your eyes.
Of course it's the only look I've seen in them.
I don't like that sick reason you're smiling
Of course it's the only time you show it.

Why do you laugh when I'm bleeding?
Hurt and sick.
It's because of you that I hurt.
Couldn't you feel some regret?

I sit here now in "our" room.
I see the picture of "us" and start to cry.
I can't believe I'm in another one of these "situations"
How could I believe you when you said you "loved" me?

I am alone now and scared.
Because you are with your other girl.
I need you even if I hate you.
Please come back and hurt me.

I want to feel your touch.
Even if it leaves bruises.
I want to hear you voice.
Even if it's loud and cruel.

What is wrong with me?
How could I do this to myself?
I could leave right now.
But why am I not?

I am of no use to him.
He won't care if I stay or go.
Damnit! Get up and go!
I still sit here.

Wow, this was really deep, Linds. There was a lot of feeling coming from the poem so that it didn't need any kind of rhyme or anything. It's fine the way it is.

I sit here now in "our" room.
I see the picture of "us" and start to cry.
I can't believe I'm in another one of these "situations"
How could I believe you when you said you "loved" me?

Here though the " " kind of caught me off guard. Like they didn't belong in the poem. Otherwise I really liked it. Nice job.

Keep it up!
~Rieda

An interesting poem and a unique approach. Some things I think could be improved...

I don't like that look in your eyes.
Of course it's the only look I've seen in them.
I don't like that sick reason you're smiling
Of course it's the only time you show it.

The repetitive structure of this verse detracts from its impact. Good lead-in line, but the "Of course..." is an anticlimax. Perhaps tweak it a little?

Why do you laugh when I'm bleeding?
Hurt and sick.
It's because of you that I hurt.
Couldn't you feel some regret?

Grammatically, I think it's "Why do you laugh when I'm bleeding,/hurt and sick?" I also think that last question might be better rephrased.

I sit here now in "our" room.
I see the picture of "us" and start to cry.
I can't believe I'm in another one of these "situations"
How could I believe you when you said you "loved" me?

I absolutely love this verse. The quote marks really get the sentiment across perfectly and the rhythm is excellent.

I am alone now and scared.
Because you are with your other girl.
I need you even if I hate you.
Please come back and hurt me.

I want to feel your touch.
Even if it leaves bruises.
I want to hear you voice.
Even if it's loud and cruel.

What is wrong with me?
How could I do this to myself?
I could leave right now.
But why am I not?

This section...hmm. I think you overdo the questioning a bit. Also, a lot of it is "telling" and very little "showing," which detracts from the power of the emotions you're trying to convey. I think this could be compressed into one section/verse. Perhaps take the ideas of "I want to feel your touch" and "other girl" and "I need you even if I hate you/please come back and hurt me" into a single stanza somehow.

I am of no use no him.
He won't care if I stay or go.
Damnit! Get up and go!
I still sit here.

Third person is an abrupt change and doesnt suit the poem IMHO. You *could* make it italics to indicate that it's a thought if you really must keep it, but otherwise I'd say reformat this verse entirely and work on giving us a more vivid picture of the poet and her situation.

If you look over the poem you will notice you've used few to no adjectives, metaphors, similes etc. So while we know a lot about what's happening in the poet's head, we dont really know who she is and so on. What I'd like to see here is a little more subtlety and a little more of the abstract. The problem with poems like this - especially written about this type of topic (i.e. emotional and physical abuse) is that they're truly a dime a dozen and you have to work really hard to stand out. That's why I like the line with the quotation marks so much - it's unique. If I were you, I'd try brainstorming what abuse, love, etc. mean to you and letting your brain drift a little. While it's perfectly OK to be direct if that's your style, one of the most essential parts of (good) poetry is being able to explore a subject creatively. And I think this poem could use a little more of that

Overall, a good poem with a lot of potential. It's great as a start - but it could be so much better with some editing

Get to it!

Cheers,
~bubbles

This is a nice poem, but I agree with bubbles on the fact that it could be better if you included a little more of the abstract rather than direct statements of thought.

I don't like that sick reason you're smiling

The syntax of this sentence sounds a little forced to me, particularly the word "sick."

I sit here now in "our" room.
I see the picture of "us" and start to cry.
I can't believe I'm in another one of these "situations"
How could I believe you when you said you "loved" me?

I like your usage of quotation marks, especially in the first two lines of that stanza.

I am alone now and scared.
Because you are with your other girl.

Personally, I think you only need a period at the end of the second line. I know it's a stylistic thing, but I think that making the second line a separate thought sort of disrupts the flow of the paragraph.

I could leave right now.
But why am I not?

This sentence, grammatically, confuses me. My brain wants to make it why do I not, or tack the word "leaving" onto the end of the second line - which would make the stanza redundant. I understand what it's saying, but for some reason my brain just has trouble wrapping around the way it's worded.

I am of no use no him.

To him?

He won't care if I stay or go.
Damnit! Get up and go!
I still sit here.

To me, it's a little abrupt. Compared to the pensive nature of the rest of the poem, this comes as a shock. Maybe if it were a little more "I know I shouldn't be here... and yet I am" - I think what you are trying to express here is bitterness, but in my opinion, the shift in emotion isn't played out very smoothly.

This is great how it is, but I would like to see a little more imagery, personally. What is it about him that makes you so mad? What is it that makes you stay, even though you know it's not what you should do? What is it about him that makes him so magnetic, even though you're angry? I think that this poem could address this subject with even more depth.

Over all, good stuff. I like your phrasing, and your thoughts and feelings are very clear - I just think you could flesh this out a little more. Good job <3

I've always thought it curious the way one could still love the man who abuses you, it's such a contradicting feeling.

Your poems always leave room for me wanting more. Make me feel something, put me in your situation. Perhaps this would be better if you wrote it in a scene with the man as well, rather than you remember him. It needs more.

I think it was great, but I also think that it does need more, but other than that I loved it you should write more poetry I liked it good job.

Always, Max

This is really great Linds. It's show's how someone would feel to be lead on by someone. Were you ever lead on...? O.o

I really like this poem... it gives the reader a feeling of both mental pain and irony. It's like I could put myself in this position and feel how everyone who does the same will be feeling. I like poems about sadness and abuse especially because they always bring out some sort of feeling singnifigant for the reader and you have by far conquered it. You go girl... and keep going!!!

full of emotion and terrific! well done. made me want to cause some damage to that person fictional or not...that's hard to do so well done I'd love to see more poetry coming from you