beauty

I wanted to be the best since the moment I was created. I tried being the greatest but god had already taken that. I tried being the worst but the devil beet me to it. So I became the most beautiful, I know you think god is that also but god isn’t a thing so it beauty is internal and not external. So I mixed all that I knew, I was reaching for the top and I wanted nothing less, I mixed nature and science and I got to the top. Now every where I go I see me. People on the street idolize me, or they idolize celebrities that idolize me. Do you think that celebrities don’t know they’re perfect? They do, but they want to go beyond perfection. They want to reach what they don’t know exists, and that my dear would be me. Day after day people look at them selves in mirrors and tell their selves that they are beautiful or they are ugly; and not for one moment think what they compare their selves to. They ask them selves why they look as they look? They wonder what it would be like to look different! They tell their selves that outer beauty doesn’t really count, but then again they fall into traps I lay before them. They don’t see the traps or even if they do they don’t ask them selves if it is truly worth it or not, and I just sit there and watch and laugh. I reached the top because of me and they sit there and hope they reach it, for god sake at least try. But what you want to know for sure isn’t this now is it? You want to know who I am, is that right? I am your worst fear but your best hope, I am your greatest enemy but your best friend, I live inside of you and feed of your beauty, I am you…

Hi there! I see you're new here. Welcome to YWS! My name is Razorblade.

Hmm... I'm wondering, does this really belong in non-fiction? Doesn't strike me much as an essay or anything of that species. Meh.

Anyway, this is an interesting train of thought, but it's also nothing more than that- an interesting train of thought. I wouldn't consider this an actual literary work- an idea for one, but it definitely needs to be expanded and thought out a bit more. This kind of thing is a good way to get your thoughts in order, definitely, but I'd recommend expanding it a bit more for real effect.

Also, paragraphs! Right now you have a block o' text. Might want to fix that. Gives a bit more literary effect. Also makes things easier on the eyes and keeps your readers happy.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me! I'm here to help.
-St. Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate

Like Razor said... Welcome and paragraphs!

I tried being the greatest but god had already taken that. I tried being the worst but the devil beet me to it.

God and the devil should be capitalized.

I tried being the worst but the devil beet me to it.

Beet = beat

Day after day people look at them selves in mirrors and tell their selves that they are beautiful or they are ugly; and not for one moment think what they compare their selves to.

Them selves = themselves

Their selves = themselves

Try not to repeat themselves so much; it gets redundant.


This is interesting, and I wasn't expecting the ending. Good!

Twit beat me to all the grammar mistakes, so I won't make you go through that again XD I personally hate it when that happens, but it's what makes me a better writer, (Because everyone who knows me knows that my grammar is all screwed up) so I just smile through it and yell at the next person who say the same things.

Anyway, I like this very much. Very much. But, Like Razor said, all it is is an idea. A very good one. I wrote something similar about fear, and then I gave Fear a physical form and wrote a story about her. Turned out real well. So yeah, I think you should really build on this, because it's a brilliant idea. Good job!! Keep writing!

This was good, not exactly literary, but maybe a philosophical writing?

True. So totally true. I wouldn't exactly call it a story, though. But I'd bet you could make this into a wicked poem!

As has already been said before, you should have paragraphs. Other that that, however, I think you should try to organize your thoughts better. Perhaps go into a bit more detail when you are talking about "beauty". You know, sort of illustrate the metaphor a bit more clearly so the reader will get more out of it.