Understanding

Understanding

Why can’t you stay, and play with me on the swings
Being there when I am hurt and bleeding
Saying good morning to me when I wake
Spending time with me
Going to movies
Watching my cheesy school plays, that I worked so hard for
So why? I always ask

You say “It's for your own good, that it will pay off in the end”
Every word from our lips always seem to be an accuse, a lie
A petty ‘I am sorry’, that chips at my heart
But I will always be just another person
In your life waiting for you to come home
Giving a false smile to comfort you during times of pain

I guess that every night I spent alone
When you were at bars and night clubs, having a great time
My heart dying slowly in the darkness

With in the darkness and being swallowed by the shadows
Realizing your choice, about where you want to really be
Telling you it’s all right now and I do not mind being alone

Understanding the truth of it all
Understanding what you really love
Understanding how you really feel towards me
Understanding your true intentions

It becomes easier to say goodbye
The tears I once cried dry up and my heart hardens
Now I begin to lie
Saying ‘I love you’ every time’ I see you
Unbeknownst to you that it is all a hoax
Making you leave me alone

Strangely each day you try to spend more time with me
It’s too late, for your love
To long have I been alone
No more love can melt my heart
For it is now black and rock hard
Only thing you can see is a golden outer shell
An act to please you, so you can shut up

Once there was a heart to accept your love
But now it will always reject it
Forever, no matter what you do
Doesn't matter how many apologies you give
All you can do now is regret the things you did in the past
Forgetting me
Leaving me in the loneliness of the empty house
I hope you understand



-well what did you think, I finally got off my lazy @ss and work on something this Christmas vacation!

Frankly? This poem outstayed its welcome by about five stanzas.

Nitpicks:

"Its" in the second stanza should be "It's"
"accuse" should be "excuse"
"dieing" is spelled "dying"
"unknowing" would read better as "unbeknownst"
"except your love" is "accept your love"
"doesn't't" has only one t

Proper punctuation would be nice.

Overall, I think you stretched this out too long. The last five stanzas repeat themselves too much and don't add anything to the poem. You started out with an interesting idea, formulated in strong and unequivocal language - then you trailed off into emo angst.

My advice would be to cut everything from the first "understanding" to "the empty house" and condense it down into a single stanza along with that last verse. Something like:

"Strangely, each day you try to spend more time with me,
the easier it becomes to say goodbye.
Now it is my turn to abandon you, forgetting you,
in the face of your regrets
and I feel nothing
towards you now but hate."

I think the poem will be much stronger for it.

Cheers,
~bubbles

at last a comment about this poem. Comments are needed to tell the writer whether the peom is good or not ^_^, so thank you.

I shall improve the peom!




....unbeknownst is a neat word.

ha i liked it
it's was quiet long for my taste but pay that no mind as i don't enjoy poetry that much
but i did like this
liked the ryhme sceam
and your use of words
very nice job

why thank you.

It was the way I felt about a person from my life. my mom. but because of my big brother I understand more and well I don't really hate anyone...


....well except for Dean


anyways thank you alot I am happy to have commets both good and bad. its better then having none at all.

That had a lot of emotion in it, I liked it. I would repeat
Understanding the truth of it all
Understanding what you really love
Understanding how you really feel towards me
Understanding your true intentions
At the end of the poem, to tie the poem together. It would sound like a song though and I don’t know if you would like that. Anyways that’s what I would do.

I liked it.
Actually I loved it!
Yay!

thank you all for the comments. I am very happy to have written a poem that you all like. For a momment I thought I had lost my peom creating ability, but thankfully I was wrong