About autumn...

About Autumn

I´m walking through the streets,nobodys there.
Nothing but coldness and sadness.Not too obvious but not too secret either.
A man coming towards me.Tall and ,and frightening.Black hair,black coat.But that´s not the most gruesome thing.He´s skin is white.Whiter than anything i´d
ever seen.He´s coming closer.Step by step by step.Why am i so affraid?What am i so affraid of?I never thought i could think of so much things in 15 seconds.Normally i´m not a coward.But this time i think i have to follow my instinct.He´s only 5 meters away now.Enough.I have to swap the sidewalk or i collapse.I´m running to the other sidewalk.The man reached out his hand.I´m
starting to run.Nothings gonna stop me.I hear a noise.Like a smack.Doesn´t
matter.I´m continuing running.Next day i wake up.I´m feeling damn good.I decide to go for a walk.Deja Vu.I´m walking on the same street like yesterday.The same feeling.A bad feeling.But this time theres not that dead silence like yesterday.There are cops all around.Emergency doctors.The man
i had seen yesterday is lying on the street.Blood overall.I heard an officer saying he died last night about 11 pm.Today i knew why he was that white.It was dead white.I could have saved the life of this man.The police never found
the murderer.Because there were no wittnesses.I hate autumn.

First of all, try editing out all the punctuation, grammar, and spelling errors. That will make it so people will read through it and comment on the actual writing rather than just the mistakes.

Second, there isn't really any poetical structure to this piece. It's just a long string of short sentences and fragments. Look for places to put line breaks.

Other than that, I didn't really get what you were trying to convey. I think the story could be interesting if you added more to it and made it a little clearer. Maybe some description of the street, etc.

I liked it. Loved the story and all, and I'm pretty sure that it belongs on the poetry forum. I also understand what you're doing with the punctuation, but to be honest with you, it was stupid. It gets in the way of the poem, yelling "look at me!look at me!e.e. cummings did it,why can't i?" See? It was the second thought I had when reading your piece, when there's so many great things about it.

I'm sorry, but I have to agree. Fix the spelling, grammatical and spacing errors and then I might be able to understand it well enough to give you a proper critique.

If you'd like some help with this, feel free to PM me.

Cheers,
~bubbles

i thought it was...pretty!