question

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I'd like to know if this sounds even a little bit interesting and any other comments are welcome. and as a note it is intended to become a short story not a novel...


I was about four years old when I met Elijah. I remember thinking he was weird for two reasons; he was a boy and he kissed me. Never said a word to me before he did it. Just came up and kissed me. It was the oddest thing especially because most boys though girls had cooties at the time. For the next couple of years he pretended it was the biggest mistake of his life and in retrospect maybe it was but regardless we became friends. I’m attracted to weird people, what can I say. After several years, though life got in the way and I hardly talked to him anymore.
Until Camp Rocky Borders (I don’t get the name either). I had never been to camp before and certainly wasn’t itching to go but I soon found myself in a small room of a rather big cabin with a bunk bed. Luckily the place had a normal bathroom. In fact, the cabin was very much like a normal home without a kitchen. I can’t tell you how much a of relief it was to find out I wasn’t really going to be roughing it. I don’t’ know how I had been fortunate enough to get only one roommate when other girls had up to eleven but I guess maybe it was fate.
So there I was sixteen spending the first substantial amount of time away from home worried as all hell when in walks a quiet girl with purple hair wearing a tiny skirt and combat boots. She wasn’t the camping type either I figured.
“I guess the top bunk’s mine.” she said looking at my open suitcase on the bottom.
“I guess so.”
She didn’t say anything else and so as soon as I had unpacked I took my small messenger bag filled with a notebook, sketch book and pencils and headed out to explore. I walked about ten steps away from my cabin before I bumped right into Elijah. And so it began. The absolute worst most wonderful confusing summer of my whole life.




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I have to say I liked this. Kinda short, so I don't have any critique, but I would like to read more. Sounds like my life. :D

*shaming the name of SPEW, sorry :cry: *
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin




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This was cute.

It had a few typos, though.

It would be great if you continued it, but I don't think you've been on YWS for a while...




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Um...it's hard to say. Apart from the few small typo's here and there, it seems like you have the beginnings to a well developed character, then again, there are a few problems with this.

Why is she one of two people to get one of the fancy cabins? I think, personally, I would prefer it if she were in a regular cabin, that tends to introduce more characters with a wider range of differences. Plus, you can put the girl with a purple skirt in there too, and the same things (more or less) can happen. You have more to work with when there are more characters, and it makes readers happier too because they get to judge the people as well and it gives them a sense of power over this tiny world.

Other than that I thought it was a good start, a little short to be a completely accurate account, but still, not bad. Good luck with the rest of the short story.

-Arion




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*shaming the name of SPEW, sorry *


SPEW? What's that?

Any ways. This is really short - nothing to critique - but it does seem interesting. You should definitely continue this, and PM me when you do so I can give you a proper crit!

Cheers,
Camille
everything i loved
became everything i lost.


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