When Diety invaded Humanity

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When Diety invaded Humanity
The Glory broke through brick barriers
when the Ancient of Days in His own divine light
clothed His honor with shame, when He
wrapped His Supernatural Splendor in a baby's skin.
To exchange everlasting praise with His creation's
unworthy days, He willed.
That first night in a hay filled donkey's plate
Diety bacame Humanity

When Eternity invaded time
Boundless-ness was enveloped in an hour
A hurried sun swapped shifts with a pale moon, as they
governed the sweeping shadows of a sun-dile.
But the Alpha and Omega sat inbetween seconds
From eternal reign, to the land run by days, He
came down to earth, one silent night in a stable
To be placed onto the path of linear mentality
when Eternity invaded Time.

When Royalty invaded Poverty
the King of kings left His Throne of Blazing Fire
to breathe in the dust of a broken world
Giving up glory of the highest order to be born of a peasant
He was conceived into the household of poor, He
gave up commanding angels to clasping Mary's finger
and holding the universe in His palm to having a soldier pierce a nail through it
But He did it so, those who are lower than low, may know
they can run into the loving arms of the Prince of Peace.
When Royalty invaded Poverty
"By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
when we remembered Zion." Psalm 137:1




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A wonderfully apropos theme, indeed :)

Nitpicks:

"Diety" should be "Deity," "sun-dile" is spelled "sundial" (hyphen optional?) and the second "king" in "King of Kings" should be capitalised.

As to the content:

You have a sophisticated style and I like the way you phrase things. Unfortunately, I rather feel as though your grandiosity (if I may use that word without causing offense) is obscuring what you're trying to say. The reader is so inundated by your phrasing that they're left groping for the true meaning of each sentence, you know? I also feel that you get a bit repetitive in places. If I were you, I'd go through and smooth it out a little, trimming back on the flowery epithets and restructuring a little so that the reader does not get bored.

A side note: some attention to punctuation might also be helpful :D

Cheers,
~bubbles
Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)



The continuation of our world depends more on the survival of the kindest than it does on the survival of the fittest.
— Arcticus