Murder part one

Sarah is Dead

"I don't care for Sarah all I about is Calvin" said Tiara.
"You think of him every minute Tiara" Sam said.
"Whatever now lets think how this happened" said Ashley.
"What is someone in our school did it" said Sam.
"That is imposable and I was with Calvin that night" said Tiara.
"Stop talking about him" sais Sam. "Some people were in the school at that time" said Ashley."That is how she died that night".

Oh, what am I to say?


Well, first, this isn't a story. I am sorry to break your heart. A story consists of a beginning, a middle, and an end. True, you say, "part one" but... even this is a bit too small for a part one. It's just a few lines of dialogue, not even enough to tell me what happened to cause the conflict, who the characters are, what about them... the beginning of a story has a lot of things it needs to do before you can move on to the rest of things.


As to the actual text here, you have a lot of grammar and spelling issues. Words missing all together, typos, and your grammar for dialogue is... missing. I suggest you read over what you post a few times before actually posting, so it is in the best possible condition.


Otherwise, all I can suggest is that you go to your local book store and pick out a book on writing. Spend a while reading it, understanding, and practicing. This is no insult to you or to your writing; you're young and still learning. When I was thirteen, I had no idea how to write either. Everyone starts somewhere, you know? I started where you are now, and so did many, many other people. ^_^ So don't take it the wrong way, I'm just giving you the advice that I wish someone would have given me earlier.

Best of luck, and if you have any questions about something, go right ahead and PM me.

[quote="winterbaby"]

"I don't care for Sarah all I about is Calvin" said Tiara.

this is wrong absolutely wrong you forgot to put all i care about "care is missing ! lol sorry for being a bit touchy but I'm bad at spelling but i cant stand it when somebody miss's words completely .

and when your wrote "what is someone at our school did it" is ,is supposed to be a if.

also when you said "sais Sam" sais is supposed to be said .


OK that clear things up a little bit Oh, and its absolutely to short to even be consider a feeble paragraph


review you latter :wink: