Pen to Paper (formerly Script)

On the first day,
She avoided it,
Fought it,
With swords of bare-to-bone sentences,
And shields of lackluster verbs.
Because she hated it.

On the second day,
she clung to it,
Desperate,
Beating out her troubles and her woes,
In words no one else could hear.
Because she wept through it.

On the third day,
She grabbed for it,
Greedily,
With paragraphs
Bursting with adjectives,
And lines that ran thick as honey.
Because she loved it.

On the fourth day,
She awaited it,
Calmly.
Picking out the perfect
Noun, verb, sentence, clause,
Carefully, slowly.
The language she best knew how to speak.
Because she knew she'd never be without it.

okay. It is *very* odd to have a poll on a poem. Though, I can tell you Pen To Paper fits the subject much better than Script does. That is the kind of thing you can just ask within your post. A poll scares people off a bit, I think.

It is an okay poem. I understand the subject matter and some of your imagery is lovely. The problem is that it is confusing. I like the structure of the poem but it makes the subject of it rather convoluted, you don't quite understand what is going on at all.

I think rewording your stanza's and thinking very hard on what you want to say is going to help this. Only keep those things that *mean* something. I think there is a lot of meaingless chatter - if that makes sense - within the poem and you lose sight of what it is you mean.

I also find the last stanza to lack a difinitive ending. And it is in a different form to the rest of the poem, you step out of the structure by adding a line, and that line isnt needed.

In the end, I liked the concept, but did not like the presentation so much. Look over it and find what you *really* want to keep and move on from there.

It has potential, good luck.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

I actually really liked this. The stanzas were self-contained but related to one another nicely, and the overall transition through all the states of novelling was amusing and well-expressed.

I did feel that the ending was somewhat abrupt. I'm not sure if another stanza is needed, or if it could be reworded a bit to be more effective. Perhaps play with it a little, see if you can get something with a bit more oomph? Also, I agree with Penguin that there didnt seem to be much focus or meaning here. You could possibly tie all of the "moods" together somehow in a final stanza and give it that "oomph" it needs?

Anyway, it needs centering, and it needs a bit of spice, but overall I like it

Happy writing,
Cheers,
~bubbles

Thanks for the crits!