Giant Wolves/Elements Ch. 7

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7.
Tradhalem

Tradhalem was much bigger than Rovenhold and metal barred gates surrounded the city, but besides that Tradhalem was a quite beautiful city. Grass was left to flourish in many parts of the city and there was hardly a beggar on the street for charity centers were common. Children played and adults conversed joyfully with each other. Houses were orderly arranged and were well made throughout the whole of Tradhalem. People smiled at passerbies and waved hello.

Nami felt like the happiness was infectious. At first she was unsure of what to do at all the waving people, but she eventually had a wide smile on her face. Nami saw people stare and point at Sabrawnia remarking on her beauty. Sabrawnia, boosted with confidence pranced gaily through Tradhalem. Nami smiled and laughed at Sabrawnia’s pride, but most of the time Sabrawnia was looking around curiously at her new surroundings for she had never been in an actual city. She stuck her nose in almost anything new.

They first made their way to a stable by asking for directions. They bought a light, but thick, blanket with some money from Nami’s brown pouch. Then Goneck directed them toward the next member of the willow’s house. Nami told Sabrawnia about the willow and explained to her about what had happened so far. Sabrawnia listened intently taking in every word while flicking her ears back and forth.

They soon arrived at the house of the next person. This door had a half Willow that was carved on the door with a sharp ripple line which ran along the flat side of the half Willow. Nami noticed this and tabbed it in her mind to ask about the carvings later. Nami knocked on the door and a small woman appeared at the door. She had hair that was loosely tied in a bun and her eyes showed brightly. She had high cheekbones and she wore a loose dress with a small apron draped in front. She looked at the odd trio, looking first at Sabrawnia, then Nami, then Goneck.

Her eyes widened and her mouth formed into a wide smile when she realized what she was looking at. She quickly invited them in, contemplating Sabrawnia before allowing her through the doorway. She let her in anyway, knowing that, being a horse as she was, she deserved to know what they talked about too. Sabrawnia barely fit through the doorway and she squeezed herself in and lied down on the floor as they all settled themselves in.

The small women made some tea and teacakes and settled down. Nami laughed silently when she compared the women to a small mouse. “I just placed some oat cake bread in the oven. It will be done soon I’ll share it with you, it’s better than eating it by myself. So,” she said looking over the three of them. “What do we have here?” They soon introduced themselves and told them about their journey here and what occurred that needed to be known. She asked lots of questions and commented on many things. When it was all done she finally introduced herself.

“My name is Hart and I welcome you to my house with open arms.” She looked like she was going to burst with all the constrained excitement she seemed to be withholding. “I understand Nami that you are probably quite new to this world which you have just entered but to save as much time as possible so that you can continue on your journey which I am sure you have only limited time to complete, I am going to be teaching you about nature. Nature is a very important subject and you will find that it will come in handy during you journeys. It will help you to understand weather and clouds and you will know where to find certain plants and what you can use them for. You will know what kind of leaves heal the fastest. You will know what plants are good for eating and which ones are not. This is what I will teach you. Since you will be staying with me for the duration of your studying I suggest that you get to know me very well and that you settle in as best you can. Sabrawnia I think I know where you can stay. I have a shed that I kept to store plants and such. It is connected to the house by a fence that runs around it. There is also a shaded area and a big tree. I think you’ll enjoy that.” Sabrawnia nodded her head in satisfaction.

“Good, we will start our studies tomorrow. And one more thing, I expect Sabrawnia and Goneck to learn all of this too for you three shall be traveling together and its better for you all to know it than just one. Therefore pay good attention when I am teaching Nami. I will test you two also. Now put your things away, Nami you can sleep wherever you like, but I apologize for not having an extra bed for you. I would give you my bed, but I have muscle problems, so I’m sorry.” Nami waved it away and said that it was fine. “Well go out and explore Tradhalem. It’s a delightful city; I think you’ll like it.” Hart urged.

The trio was soon out on the stone paved streets looking at shops and exploring street markets that had an assortment of all kinds of goodies. Nami bought stick candy, Goneck got a pork link, and Sabrawnia got two sweet apples. She had never tried them before and she was delighted at the taste.

The city itself was extremely pleasant. Not once did they come across an unfriendly person. Nami was actually quite astonished at the cooperation of this city. People would put down their own work to go and help another who was troubled by their own. Not only that, but the city surpringly clean. Although it was large it seemed that their were people picking up rubbish all the time. It seemed to catch onto Nami as well for as soon as Nami saw any rubbish lying around she picked it up and quickly threw it away.

Sabrawnia seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself as well. Although both she and Goneck were a bit wary of the strangeness of the city and of the people they were quite exhilarated from all the new sights and smells. Sabrawnia seemed to be a bit dumbfounded at the incapability for the common horses around her to communicate. She knew well enough that only her species of horses could talk, but she was surprised to find that not even these horses took any notice of her or even made any move to communicate with her in any form of body language or sounds.

Later Sabrawnia had told Nami that she realized why these horses had never progressed to fight human control for they were quite a dumb breed of horses, but Nami argued to tell her that it was not so for there were plenty of horses out in the world who had done great things. Sabrawnia’s answer to that was just a questioning look before she walked away to go amuse herself with something else.

Goneck had never been near a butcher shop before, not even in Sabrawnia, and when he had caught the first wafts of fresh meat he had gone drooling towards the source. When the owner saw Goneck at his doorstep Nami was aftaid that he would shoo him away so she had quickly gone to retrieve him, but instead he had smiled and taken scrap meat out from under his carving table and handed some to the small pup himself.

Soon dusk was quickly falling and the streets were emptying. Nami, Goneck, and Sabrawnia took one last walk on the streets and returned to Harts house

“I made some beef and carrot stew. It’s very good, but for you Sabrawnia I put together an assortment of fruit and vegetables. I know it might not be enough but there is also the grass that is in the back.” Sabrawnia was extremely happy to find that Hart had put sliced apples in her food. She quickly ate those first and started to feast on her other foods. Nami, Hart and Goneck ate their dinner while discussing what they saw in Tradhalem. Nami talked about the street market and how it fascinated her to be seeing that many goods in one place.

Goneck talked about the food, but Sabrawnia talked about the wonders of human behavior and how they interacted with each other as well as how they made a living. At first it was odd for Nami to hear someone talk about her species as if they were a creature of study but then realized that Sabrawia had probably never been in the presence of humans and so she listened intently. When they finished their dinner and they all said their “good nights” and went to bed. Once again, like all those other nights, Nami felt the comforting warm ball of fur as she fell into a deep slumber.
h a y o n :)

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CHAYONZ!!!!!!!!!! :elephant:
:smt039
So good to hear from you! I was beginning to get worried.... :D

Tradhalem was much bigger than Rovenhold and metal barred gates surrounded the city, but besides that Tradhalem was a quite beautiful city. Grass was left to flourish in many parts of the city and there was hardly a beggar on the street for charity centers were common. Children played and adults conversed joyfully with each other. Houses were orderly arranged and were well made throughout the whole of Tradhalem. People smiled at passerbies and waved hello.

I suggest you change the first sentence to something like "Nami was struck by the beauty around her" or something in the like. Grab our attention. :smt117

Nami felt like the happiness was infectious. At first she was unsure of what to do at all the waving people, but she eventually had a wide smile on her face. Nami saw people stare and point at Sabrawnia remarking on her beauty. Sabrawnia, boosted with confidence pranced gaily through Tradhalem. Nami smiled and laughed at Sabrawnia’s pride, but most of the time Sabrawnia was looking around curiously at her new surroundings for she had never been in an actual city. She stuck her nose in almost anything new.

Careful here. You switched the view to Sabra. Hmmm, maybe not waving people. That would seem a little too friendly. You could put her in a situation where they show they're warmth i.e. "are you okay?" "Welcome to my Inn!" or, since Sabra is sticking her nose into things, have the people laugh or give her something.

They first made their way to a stable by asking for directions. They bought a light, but thick, blanket with some money from Nami’s brown pouch. Then Goneck directed them toward the next member of the willow’s house. Nami told Sabrawnia about the willow and explained to her about what had happened so far. Sabrawnia listened intently taking in every word while flicking her ears back and forth.

Hmmmm…. They seem to buy a lot of blankets ;) This is a good opportunity to show the people’s merriment and overall good humor. Maybe one of her pouches… is… ruined, and a person she meets fixes it for her. Details please :D:D:D:D

They soon arrived at the house of the next person. This door had a half Willow that was carved on the door with a sharp ripple line which ran along the flat side of the half Willow. Nami noticed this and tabbed it in her mind to ask about the carvings later. Nami knocked on the door and a small woman appeared at the door. She had hair that was loosely tied in a bun and her eyes showed brightly. She had high cheekbones and she wore a loose dress with a small apron draped in front. She looked at the odd trio, looking first at Sabrawnia, then Nami, then Goneck.

Whoa, wait a second!! What happened to the kid she was with? He just randomly disappeared. No good bye ore anything ;)

Her eyes widened and her mouth formed into a wide smile when she realized what she was looking at. She quickly invited them in, contemplating Sabrawnia before allowing her through the doorway. She let her in anyway, knowing that, being a horse as she was, she deserved to know what they talked about too. Sabrawnia barely fit through the doorway and she squeezed herself in and lied down on the floor as they all settled themselves in.

You used wide and widen too close together :D Hmmm… Sabra is huge. Are you sure she can fit through the door? ;)

The small women made some tea and teacakes and settled down. Nami laughed silently when she compared the women to a small mouse. “I just placed some oat cake bread in the oven. It will be done soon I’ll share it with you, it’s better than eating it by myself. So,” she said looking over the three of them. “What do we have here?” They soon introduced themselves and told them about their journey here and what occurred that needed to be known. She asked lots of questions and commented on many things. When it was all done she finally introduced herself.

Throughout this entire introduction there is no dialogue. Have some noise in the background. :D

“My name is Hart and I welcome you to my house with open arms.” She looked like she was going to burst with all the constrained excitement she seemed to be withholding. “I understand Nami that you are probably quite new to this world which you have just entered but to save as much time as possible so that you can continue on your journey which I am sure you have only limited time to complete, I am going to be teaching you about nature. Nature is a very important subject and you will find that it will come in handy during you journeys. It will help you to understand weather and clouds and you will know where to find certain plants and what you can use them for. You will know what kind of leaves heal the fastest. You will know what plants are good for eating and which ones are not. This is what I will teach you. Since you will be staying with me for the duration of your studying I suggest that you get to know me very well and that you settle in as best you can. Sabrawnia I think I know where you can stay. I have a shed that I kept to store plants and such. It is connected to the house by a fence that runs around it. There is also a shaded area and a big tree. I think you’ll enjoy that.” Sabrawnia nodded her head in satisfaction.

This paragraph is HUGE!!!! I suggest you break it into at least two. Comma’s are always before a name, Chayonz. XDXDXD Also, Hart’s dialogue sounds a little odd. I suggest you read it out loud to yourself. The next thing she says is a run-on sentence. J You can cut out the description of the weather and other things she will learn. She will learn them later :D:D:D:D:D Hmmm, read this part out loud to yourself. It looks a little odd to me. :)

“Good, we will start our studies tomorrow. And one more thing, I expect Sabrawnia and Goneck to learn all of this too for you three shall be traveling together and its better for you all to know it than just one. Therefore pay good attention when I am teaching Nami. I will test you two also. Now put your things away, Nami you can sleep wherever you like, but I apologize for not having an extra bed for you. I would give you my bed, but I have muscle problems, so I’m sorry.” Nami waved it away and said that it was fine. “Well go out and explore Tradhalem. It’s a delightful city; I think you’ll like it.” Hart urged.

Again, read this to yourself. Hart sounds a little mean at the moment… what does it look like she’s feeling? Where are Nami’s thought bubbles? “Go out and explore” sounds a little odd. Maybe ‘dinner is at six, now get out of here!” or something. We need a little more emotion from this character.

The trio was soon out on the stone paved streets looking at shops and exploring street markets that had an assortment of all kinds of goodies. Nami bought stick candy, Goneck got a pork link, and Sabrawnia got two sweet apples. She had never tried them before and she was delighted at the taste.

Hmmmm…… these people are used to animals buying things? ;)

The city itself was extremely pleasant. Not once did they come across an unfriendly person. Nami was actually quite astonished at the cooperation of this city. People would put down their own work to go and help another who was troubled by their own. Not only that, but the city surprisingly clean. Although it was large it seemed that their were people picking up rubbish all the time. It seemed to catch onto Nami as well for as soon as Nami saw any rubbish lying around she picked it up and quickly threw it away.

Don’t make them too perfect. ;) That makes them *shudder* elves…. (inhuman) We need an example of this. Say Nami falls down and has a really bad scratch. Some people come up and administer first aid, and asks if she needs anything else…. See what I mean?

Sabrawnia seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself as well. Although both she and Goneck were a bit wary of the strangeness of the city and of the people they were quite exhilarated from all the new sights and smells. Sabrawnia seemed to be a bit dumbfounded at the incapability for the common horses around her to communicate. She knew well enough that only her species of horses could talk, but she was surprised to find that not even these horses took any notice of her or even made any move to communicate with her in any form of body language or sounds.

The horses incapable of communicating sounds off. I mean, I’ve seen PLENTY of horses lay their ears flat against their skull and take a chunk out of their neighbor. Maybe she’s surprised at the primitiveness of the horses communication…? ;)

Later Sabrawnia had told Nami that she realized why these horses had never progressed to fight human control for they were quite a dumb breed of horses, but Nami argued to tell her that it was not so for there were plenty of horses out in the world who had done great things. Sabrawnia’s answer to that was just a questioning look before she walked away to go amuse herself with something else.

Hm. This makes Sabra sound incredibly racist. Maybe she comments “This must be a dumb breed of horse” in exasperation, then Nami comes to the rescue. Also, we need more dialogue in these parts. At the moment, it looks like a solid chunk of words. :D

Goneck had never been near a butcher shop before, not even in Sabrawnia, and when he had caught the first wafts of fresh meat he had gone drooling towards the source. When the owner saw Goneck at his doorstep Nami was aftaid that he would shoo him away so she had quickly gone to retrieve him, but instead he had smiled and taken scrap meat out from under his carving table and handed some to the small pup himself.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give us more of these, and some dialogue!!!!!!!!!! Why is this place so friendly? What makes them think that??

Soon dusk was quickly falling and the streets were emptying. Nami, Goneck, and Sabrawnia took one last walk on the streets and returned to Harts house

Hm. Unless the trip to town is relevant, you can just skip to the next part.

“I made some beef and carrot stew. It’s very good, but for you Sabrawnia I put together an assortment of fruit and vegetables. I know it might not be enough but there is also the grass that is in the back.” Sabrawnia was extremely happy to find that Hart had put sliced apples in her food. She quickly ate those first and started to feast on her other foods. Nami, Hart and Goneck ate their dinner while discussing what they saw in Tradhalem. Nami talked about the street market and how it fascinated her to be seeing that many goods in one place.

Again, you switched to Sabra’s point of view. X( a little confusing :)

Goneck talked about the food, but Sabrawnia talked about the wonders of human behavior and how they interacted with each other as well as how they made a living. At first it was odd for Nami to hear someone talk about her species as if they were a creature of study but then realized that Sabrawia had probably never been in the presence of humans and so she listened intently. When they finished their dinner and they all said their “good nights” and went to bed. Once again, like all those other nights, Nami felt the comforting warm ball of fur as she fell into a deep slumber.
More dialogue here please :D:D:D:D:D


Over all, it was pretty good. You’ve developed Sabra quite a bit, which is really good. The problem I see is that your telling instead of showing us, for example:
“Sabrawnia talked about the wonders of human behavior.”
“I mean,” the horse stated in exasperation, “They were practically forcing the carrots down my throat!! Wha-? No I‘m not complaining you little-”
See what I mean? Try to personalize the story for Nami more. We need to know what she thinks and feels more than you reveal :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Keep writing mon ami!!!
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson




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yay yay yay yay yay! OKKKK. I shall change it around. I thought this chapter was a bit off in the first place. Thanks for helping me with it. The next chapter will come soon after i finish editing this one!! byee!
h a y o n :)

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GOOD!!!!!!!!!! Wow you are cheerful. I think it's rubbing off on me :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson



In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
— Robert Frost