beats of the rain

the rain falls
drops falling from the sky
drop
drop
ping
and the sound makes a beat
drop
drop
ping
drop
drop
ping
drop
and then all you have to do
is injoy the music

This poem doesn't really... seem like a poem.

You might want to change the sounds a little more, to make it more poetic.

"injoy"? Please.


As Snoink said, this doesn't seem like a poem. I would clarify; this isn't a sophisticated poem. It's just fine for children's verse or a picture book, but you're not going to go much farther than that if all you're doing is repeating a bunch of words.

We all know what rain sounds like. We've all seen it fall from the sky. We've also all read about it in poems that compare weather to music. What we want is for YOU to show us something new, something that no one else could show us. How do you feel about the rain? What there a specific time in your life when you truly felt as though it was like music? Describe an event that was important to you that took place while it was raining.

The idea of repeating those short sound words is interesting; here, it adds little to the poem. It might be put to better use in a performance poem or song.

Keep at it!
-Colleen