Me In The World...

I am in Society. I am in the World…

The world is wrong. The world has left the path of the good, the path of love, the path of humanity. Evil has taken over. War, diseases and social problems are everywhere. Material has more meaning to Men than mankind itself…
People wander in life not knowing their purpose. They’re born in a society, grow in a society, and die in a society. The short period of time they lived; they either never thought about their role in this world, or they never found the answer. This is their fault. They let themselves under chains of society. They let their lives be guided by their environment, by their emotions, by their greed, by their false perceptions of reality…
My gold watch doesn’t make me rich. Your skin color doesn’t define your abilities. His military power doesn’t make him king of the world. She should not be segregated because of her sex. They are not resisting and killing in the name of God. We are all only human beings. Wandering around like cows on a field. Slaves to so-called laws of society, ways of behaving, ways of being…
I say No! To doing wrong and accepting it as right.
I say No! To judging, criticizing, imitating, hating and hurting another human being. Non!
Search yourself. And you shall find peace, you shall find love, you shall find good. Then you will find God…
I’ve found peace. I forgive myself and everyone else around me.
I’ve found love. I love myself and everyone else around me.
I’ve found good. I think good for myself and do good for my environment.
I’ve found God. I believe in him and have let him total control over my soul.
I am no slave of society. I am no slave to material.
I am in Society. I am in the World…

First of all, welcome to YWS! I see you're one of those older members, so instead of chewing on the grammar and other nit-picky parts of the poem, I'll trust that you have some grasp on the English language and can do minor changes quite easily. So instead I'll go into the main theme of the poem. Which is probably a bad thing, now that I think of it, because that's the stuff that hurts most, when it is critiqued. So most likely, this critique will most likely make me sound harsh and evil, I guess, but in the end, if you take a look at the advice, it'll probably help in the long run.

I digress!

How should I say this? Your poem is just a bunch of preaching. And it's not even good preaching. You throw in a bunch of ill-defined words (good, love, evil, etc.,) don't bother to define any of them for the purposes of your poem, and instead tell us a bunch of politically correct messages, which you hope that we'll feel passionate about and thus, passionate about your poem. So, instead of looking like a well-crafted poem, it looks like a bunch of politically correct cliches that might possibly be akin to ZARDOZ.

Which probably isn't a good thing.

By the time you get to the interesting stuff (i.e. how you accepted the world and have thus become the World) you barely describe anything. Instead, there's more preaching about how God has saved you, etc. But it isn't interesting by that point, because you're just telling us stuff!

Consider, there are many many many many interesting stories and poetry about someone who is touched by God. Did I emphasize the word MANY enough? Just read the psalms, for goodness sakes! There are some of the many poems that are made for God, emphasizing how God has touched them in a particular way and giving out real experiences and examples of how this happens. So, when I have all these wonderful, feeling poems about God and how they touch real people, why should I care about this poem, when it just spews out a politically correct message and connects it to God?

So now you're probably staring at this critique, either horribly mad at me or very depressed. Don't be. It's not entirely hopeless. The main idea of the poem is fine. I like how you connect yourself with the world and how you become the world by doing this. That's good writing. And we love good writing, so everything you write for this poem should somehow relate to that main idea and support it. So:

DO emphasize more on yourself and less others.

DO talk about your real word experiences and show us how they have brought you closer to the world and, by doing so, God and yourself.

DO describe, using pretty imagery and descriptions of your real world experiences.

DO connect it with the main theme of the poem.

DON'T give politically correct cliches and expect us to accept them without though.

DON'T give out words that can mean a multitude of things and fail to describe it.

DON'T make your poem a grocery list of what is right and what is wrong. Without evidence, we don't care.

So yeah. Harsh critique, but I trust you'll be able to handle it.

Thanks a lot for the advices..and No I'm not badly affected in any way by your critiques..It's exactly what i need to write even better..Thanks again...