Mice and Men Have Second Tries

It’s an oddity how long it takes.
It’s in between the worst-possible-time snow-ins,
The passing of loved ones,
Orphaned children on the commercials,
Puppies with no one to love them,
Rush hour traffic,
Impossible term papers,
Tests intended to fail,
And nosey in-laws.
It’s found in building a snowman,
The birth of a child,
Giving just one child a Christmas,
Saving the doggy in the window,
A fifteen minute commute,
Accomplishing important papers,
Passing do-or-die tests,
And Thanksgiving dinners with the whole family.
It may take awhile, but eventually it comes:
The realization that everything
Doesn’t have to be perfect
To be happy.

Meg,


Consider:

Cutting L6-L9 and L12-16.

What I would like to see, personally, is if you would actually drop all but the images of giving birth to a child and sitting down with your family for Thanksgiving dinner--perhaps you could weave in the other ideas (the loss of loved ones momentarily suspended like a chandelier above the table, etc.) as you wish--but I think those two images would be a good starting place for a rewrite.


Best,
Brad

Right now it just looks like a grocery lists of "things you can do to make Christmas good for others." Which is probably not a good thing. Throw out some of your ideas and develop your strongest images. Then it'll be much better. ^_^

Upon first reading, I thought this is a Christmas card. Sweet, mainly visual, but a little too flat and papery to devour. But really then that's what this poem is rebelling against, the cynicism, the self absorption of worldly despair.
Really this is a naive but tender plea to the everyperson, and as that I think it works.
I think you could cut this down though, the stress/reward thing get a little tired after so many examples. But your heart is true, and your earnest tone is quite charming. An genuine ingenue of a verse.