Soul Mate

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Soul mate.
do you exist
or are you a figment of my imagination?

Were you around the last corner
and I missed you,
only because I chose another route?

Are you waiting for me?
Or have you given up
due to the wrong choices I have made?

How long will you be waiting?
Have you already found another,
will I ever know?

I look for you
yet you are no where to be found.
Are you hiding?

You are just a figment of my imagination is what you are,
a long lost hope for love.
I find you only in fairy tales.

No, soul mate you do not exist.
I can wait no more for you,
my heart can not take it.
Last edited by hummingbird on Sun Nov 18, 2007 6:30 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Hello there. You have chosen a nice theme around which to write a poem but I think this could be stronger and more effective. Your grammar needs some work and a few parts are fragmented or don't quite make sense. In general, I do like it but here's a quick line by line with some suggestions -

Soul mate[I think it would be more powerful if you had a period here.]
do you exist [The last line is fragmented so you could either change this one to 'Are you real' or edit the third line to 'or are you a figment of my imagination?' or 'or be you a figment of my imagination?']
or a figment of my imagination?

Could you be just around a corner
and I miss you
only because I take another route? [This is a good, strong stanza but it doesn't flow as smoothly as it could. Perhaps -

Was you around the last corner
and I missed you?
All because I took another route?]


Are you waiting for me
or have you given up[Maybe add a comma here.]
due to the wrong choice I have made? [Perhaps choices rather than choice?]

How long will you be there
or have you already found another [You need to end this sentence here and start the next line with a capital.]
will I ever know?

I look for you
yet you are no where around [End this sentence here.]
are you hiding?

A figment of my imagination is what you are -
a long lost hope for love [End this sentence here maybe.]
only in fairy tales are you found? [I'd re-word this to 'Are you only to be found in fairy tales?' or maybe even 'Must I seek you out in fairy tales?']

No, soul mate, you do not exist.
How long can I wait for nothing when
my heart can take no more!

Overall, I think it's a pretty good poem but if you tidy it up a little, it could be even better. You use an awful lot of questions which tend to be more effective if used scarcely and yet, I think it works here. My suggestions are for you to take another look at it, maybe add some more imagery and read it aloud to make sure that it all flows smoothly. I hope some of this helps,

Heather xx
Writing Gooder

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i really like this, the topic is great, i can feel the emotion you are trying to write about. here are a few things to maybe help you,
since this is your very first poem, this is very good.
Soul mate
do you exist
or a figment of my imagination?
this is a good start, but i would use more words, it is kind of broken up.

How long will you be there
or have you already found another
will I ever know?

try how long will you wait for me, or have you waited to long? ect. show that this is your soul mate. the frustration you feel could be alttle stronger.


I look for you
yet you are no where around
are you hiding?

the second line is fragmented, no where to be found, flows softer.

I look for you
yet you are no where around
are you hiding?

A figment of my imagination is what you are
a long lost hope for love
only in fairy tales are you found?

No soul mate you do not exist
how long can I wait for nothing
my heart can take no more!
i love the last three paragraphs.

this is an awesome poem , i really like the idea of a soul mate. and how sad a person can be until they find them.

great job, keep writing, sorry if it sounded like i tore it apart. in no way was that my intention.

please let me know when you post another one, i would love to read it.

kim




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Hey! This is really good! I couldn't find anything other than what they had already said but this line:

How long will you be there
or have you already found another
will I ever know?


I didn't quite understand this line, but other than that, this is a GREAT poem! I loved it!


Good job, and keep writing!

BBB
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.




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Since this is my very first poem, I really appreciate the constructive feedback. I have learned a lot already. Thank you
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Nicely done! Just a couple of comments from me. ;)

Soul mate.
do you exist
or are you a figment of my imagination?

Were you around the last corner
and I missed you,
only because I chose another route?

Are you waiting for me?
Or have you given up
due to the wrong choices I have made? <--- instead of choices, perhaps you can tie the imagery of the road in here as well?

How long will you be waiting?
Have you already found another,
will I ever know? <----- I would capitalize "will" because it would give it an air of more finality.

I look for you
yet you are no where to be found.
Are you hiding?

You are just a figment of my imagination is what you are,
a long lost hope for love.
I find you only in fairy tales.

No, soul mate you do not exist.
I can wait no more for you,
my heart can not take it. <----- This isn't quite a strong ending. Another part needs to be added, I think.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Thanks Snoink your advice is very helpful. I appreciate it you taking the time to read it.

Hummingbird
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lets try this again. lol. this is very good. it is a lot better with the changes made. although it was very good to begin with.

kim




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Easy to understand. I like this poem. However, it needs to be touched up a little. Preferably more suitable punctuation marks as well as a stronger inversion of words. Overall, good job. :roll:



I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.
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