Simile/Metaphor Feedback

Rules are simple:

Post a simile or metaphor that you've come up with and that you think is especially unique or clever. Give feedback to the person who has posted above you with a rating and a short comment.

I'll go first.

Allah – giant, arcane, terrible – was a concept that brought up images of broken towers, gushing smoke like blood from a jugular artery, downtown plazas littered with charred bodies and concrete blocks the size of train cars.

-Kylan

8/10 - some lovely imagery Kylan.

Colourful fountains erupted mid air as sparkling waterfalls cascaded over dancing rocks. Each firework was then left to simultaneously melt into the sky like hot butter on toast.

9/10. Butter into to toast... I could immediatley picture it. Scrumptious. Absolutley tasty. However, think of switching the simile to "butter into hot toast", because generally the butter is room temp. and the toast is right out of the toaster.

A million eventualities popped into his mind and then dissolved out like loose spiderwebs.

-Kylan

7/10
I like the spiderwebs, could almost see them flying in the wind, but I think removing "out" would fit better.


The last climber on Everest; her thoughts slowed til frozen in the gale of her fear.


*Hearts* Le Penguin.