Potato in the Orchard - 2,2,2,2 /P

/removed.

Disturbing. This seems a rather shallow excerpt, leaving me to wonder as to the relevance of this one disconnection happening. It's not the full chapter, is it?

Ah well, it's still good, I enjoyed it.

Hmm... short. Very short, much shorter than the others, but good all the same. I'm still confused about the grandmother, but apart from that, no complaints. Post more soon!

h, and why do you have 0,0,0,0 as your chapter title? Wouldn't it be easier to pu 4?

Poor Nick
The parents are as horrifying as ever, though even more so now. There's not much of Nick's thinking in this segment, and it seems strange because of it; more removed. I think it starts abruptly and a bit randomly. Were the other chapters in present tense as well? I didn't notice. *checks* Huh. S'pose they are.



And to be frivilous, the chapter numbering's fun, albeit, a little confusing at first.

**Updated**

Nick's life is...terrible XD. I don't think I've read about a life so terrible, but when you think about it, it's pretty reaslitic. I liked this one. His parents are still extremely entertaining ( and a little too familiar) and his "friends" or rather the people who choose to talk to him are so odd that it's hilarious. And then we have Ms. Carlyle...I think her character is awesome. She seem to cause the most stress from him even in the hectic life that he has so it's really interesting how they react together. I can't wait to read the next one!

~Rieda

Ms. Carlyle. XD All I can say is that that woman is crazy. I definately would have hurt her by now or quit my job. It's one thing to have to listen to her and do what she wants but it's a whole other thing to have to do it again and continue working there, especially when he doesn't really need the job. But at least he's getting out of the house and away from those parents of his, I really can't tell which is worse for him at the moment. And I'm wondering why she wants him to come to her house and unpack her groceries. She's okay...as far as I remember, and perfectly capable of loading unpacking them herself. Hmmm. Well I'll have to wait I guess.

~Rieda

Jill is an amusing character. I hope she becomes more relevant in later chapters, though. I confused her with Jennifer from earlier chapters, so I don't know if the name is as beneficial as it could be.

He deadpans at me. "I am so not in the mood this morning." Ah, not enough milk in the cereal again. "I don't find your quips clever or amusing." Someone really needs to tell his mom he wants it exactly three-fourth full; not four-fifths and not two-thirds.

I find the sarcasm (here as well as other places) amusing, but a little wordy.

At the end of each month, she would look on the bill to see I had sent around a hundred messages and was always delighted to see how many friends I talked to. The truth is, though, I just sent messages to myself. I'm not very popular in my school, which doesn't bother me, but if Mother found out, she'd probably throw parties for me and send out invitations to everyone she knew. Why did I text myself? I don't know; I guess kids just know when their parents really need them to be something. I sort of feel like I need to be "that kid" for Mother.

^ This seemed a little odd when compared to the other times Nick contemplates the things he does. A little too straightforward, I think. The "I'm not very popular in my school..." sounds awkward and too blunt, for example. At the end of this part, the "like I need to be 'that kid' for mother" seems more like how Nick's been thinking.

At this moment in spacetime, I think I could hear her pumps clicking across the floor from several miles away. Unfortunately, she's only a few feet behind me.

"Is there a problem here?" she asks, voice sniveling.

While it's not too hard to guess who the 'she' is in this section, it's still gramatically vague and takes attention away from the story.

"Oh," Ms. Carlyle twirls her pen in the air before sighing. "Which do you have less of?"

I glane down. "Plastic."

"Then plastic."

I don't understand why that would be a bad thing? I mean, it'd just be more bother for her if they ran out of plastic bags. But I guess Nick seems to think that too, so oh well.

It'll be interesting to see what Ms. Carlyle's life is like in the next chapter.