The Final Resistance

The ground was covered in ash and fire. The fire was burning on dead bodies and the ash was the parts of people who had been to close to the missile.

America was in the dark. They had been taken by surprise when all of a sudden, nuclear missiles had been launched from the Mountains between Pakistan and Afganistan. Thousands of the missiles had been lauched and only fifteen of them had been shot down. There were only a thousand survivers and they were preparing to strike back. They were ready. They were The Final Resistance.

Um...okay.

Firstly, this is much too short to be on its own. This would make a prologue or a decent blurb (or whatever the thing inside the cover is called....), but as a chapter it won't work.

That said, if it's a prologue, feel free to ignore this piece of advice. There's really so much telling and not enough showing. If it were a prologue, it wouldn't matter, but you haven't given us a person. It's kind of like the first chapter or so of "A Tale of Two Cities". (The only two chapters, I might add, that I finished before I put it down. XD) We have a setting and...

No characters. No viewpoint. No story to tell.

By today's standards, storytelling shows the characters and introduces the plots a little bit later. Characterization and all that jazz. I've also read that it's the time period that dictates a style of a writer. That's just an interesting point.

Still, if this is the first chapter, it's not very-well written. XD The basic foundation of writing stories is SHOW AND DO NOT TELL.

Show us that America is dark! Show us the missiles! Show us the Resistance! SHOW US the ash and the bodies and the rank stench of death in the air!

Again, if this is a prologue, it doesn't necessarily reflect the above rule. But it's mandatory to keep in mind, or else reviewers on here will bother you about it. ^~

Right...that's the only thing I can bother you about right now. Other than

They were The Final Resistance.

"The" should not be capitalized. "They were the Final Resistance."

Also, "Resistance" is used so much it's beyond cliche. Rebellion, Resistance...

Oh my goodness, so overused. >.<" Would it kill writers to write a story with a stable, reliable government? (Well, it might. ALB. Lol)

Other than that, you're biting off a lot when you're trying to write this kind of story. We don't know the time period -- I'm assuming it's somewhere in the 2060's -- but be careful. I try to stay away from political disputes, and something like this will bring the debaters sooner or later.

PM me if you have any questions on my review, or if you want me to review something else,

Cheers!

S.H. Inkblot

Hey, magiclukehutch.

Agree with Sumi, there isn;t much to review here. Try to expand on this. But what I'm mainly worried about is the credibility of it. Most people think you can just throw a gazillion nuclear missles at a country for a war, but they don;t explain how.

I would certainly think America (or any modern power for that matter) could detect thousands of nuclear missles being lauched at them from the other side of the world. They would be definitely be able to intercept or cause a nuclear armageddon before getting hit.

And thousands od nuclear missles. I don't think thousands even exist at the moment, let alone thousands being built in a highly disputed area under lots of observation without anyone finding out.

So, I won;t just complain, I'll help. First of all, tone down the number, ten is sufficent (though still lacking credibility as it couldn't cover enough area in America to only leave thousands alive. Make them superbombs, no? ). Invent some stealth system that allowed them to slip past the American defence. Choose a closer location (though not right next door mind).

And onto the story itself. Give us somethign to read apart from a could-be blurb. Give us character, place, description, dialogue (mwuahaha ). Give us hooks. Show us the ash that used to be people. Show us the charred skeletons of what used to be great forests. Show us that the Resistance is prepearing to strike back. Sho us who they're going to strike against. (Note I said 'show' every single time). Here's a little starter (it might be rubbish but, hey)

Luke looked across the charred land that had once been his home.

Damn those *insert villains*, he thought. They took away everything.

"You're not getting all nostalgic again are you?" said a voice behind him. Short, fat Hutch sat down on the rock next to Luke. "Nothing like being nuked to make us all stick together."

Luke couldn't help but laugh. Hutch knew how to cheer people up.

"Three hundred came in from New York today. They say more were coming up behind them," said Luke. Hutch nodded.

"The message is out, we're getting stronger everyday," he said. "We're ready to kick *insert villain*'s ass."

Hope this helps!

~Fan~

P.S. This should be in the action/adventure or sci-fi sections from the impressions I get from it.

I agree, this blurb is deeply lacking. Add something to it and show the reader. If you meant this to be a prologue than it ruins the whole suspense element of your novel. Make the people struggle to find out who nuked them. Make gangs and militias and clans that all have conflict. This is a very broad topic that can be explored in a number of ways - don't take the generic approach.

Also, have you researched this? The previous reviewers pointed out a few plot holes that you need to cover. Try researching nukes, nuclear war, and the conflicts going round in the Middle Eastern area. Also, maybe you might want to explore a different place. Most Americans assume Middle Easterns will bomb us - why don't you throw in a surprise and make it Iceland or something! This is a deep subject that your touching on with human emotions and relationships and the delicate relationships between countries. You need concrete facts not just random tidbits.

I'll comment on the other critiques only insofar as to the research elements of nuclear missiles.

Right now, there are about 20,000 nuclear missiles in the world, although that number declines every year because of the numerous de-nuclearization treaties, and is down from an estimated high of 65,000 missiles.

At the moment, the United States is still not in a position where it can intercept nuclear missiles. Although the missile defense system is making huge advances, it still is not fully operational. Even one nuclear missile could get through right now. Even if it were operational, it wouldn't be 100% successful. Even if it was 99% effective, that would mean 10 out of 1000 missiles could get through; more than enough to cause significant devastation.

However, guidance missile technologies requires the resources that only a State can provide, so it is unlikely any could be fired by a rogue organization. Still, that's hardly a problem for a fiction story. Just add something in about how they hacked GPS satellites, which isn't that far fetched.

But in the event thousands were to get through, that'd throw so much ash into the air that the sun would be blocked out for years, if not decades, around the entire world. There'd only be thousands alive in the entire world, even though the missiles only struck the U.S.

So I think you have a couple options ahead of you:

1. If you wish to continue your story as it is, say only 10 to 15 missiles. That'd be more than enough to effectively wipe out 90% of the population.

2. Instead of missiles, use nuclear suitcase bombs. Not as deadly, but one going off in 20 of America's biggest cities would be devastating.

3. Keep it as it is, but write it as a survival story rather than a resistance story.


In any event, read "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy. It's an excellent book along the lines of what you have here. It's not a long book and is fairly simple to read, so it won't take too long to read through the entire book (took me four hours on a plane trip).