Cures for a broken soul

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If I laugh myself to sleep,
you'd ask if I was alright.
If I wake up, I'm already in a fight.

Something is wrong,
somethings are gone.
Something is lost.

I felt wierd, you knew I held you dear.
I feel like I'm dying,
burning inside me.

You tell me I'm lying,
you think that I'm hiding.
I think you knew.

Something is wrong,
somethings are gone.
Something is..... lost
We're meant to be one
I know we are...
If I am the Sky
Then you are my star... ™




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Simple, but I think you could have gone somewhere more with it if it didn't seem so, I don't want to say cosnstricted, but cut off by the rhyme scheme?

I mean Rhyme scheme can work, but it seems like their were things that could be have been...not explained but elaborated on? I hate telling people to change things in poetry because that's how they felt it and it was written that way...but it's like...I don't know, I enjoyed it for what it was though :)




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Gender Female
Points 890
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I liked this poem, and I it was a little broad but over all the reader gets the message. ;).
"Show us, don't tell us!" They say, but sadly I realize I'm a storyteller. When I cross over and accept maturity, when I want to change then maybe I'll be willing to show people my prose and not tell them. As a writer I have to grow. :)




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It was simple and nice.it was kind of straight forward,so you can get the message easily.

Keep writing and posting!

~Shine~
"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.



I went to confront noisy neighbours, only to find the windows dark, stuck with two notes. The ghost, too, had "gone fishing". Something still whistled.
— Liminality