untitled

*I have no idea where this came from... so don't shoot the messenger.
Please help with title... I have one... but it's really stupid.... so if you could please.*

The rain soaked her brown hair. Letting her green eyes wander to his.
He held an umbrella as his eyes electrified to hers. The rain poured hard like a knife cutting though her body. The rain slashing her cheek. He took a slow step forward, she took one back.
"Don't. Please.... leave me alone." She spoke, then walked away.

Firstly, I don't think this is poetry. It is poetic, perhaps, but not poetry. Try to get a mod to move it to Other Fiction for you

It is to short for a real in-depth-critique, but here's what I think:

The rain soaked her brown hair, letting (maybe change to "allowing"?) her green eyes wander to his.
He held an umbrella as his eyes electrified to (delete the "to") hers. The rain poured hard like a knife cutting though her body. [s]The rain [/s] slashing her cheek. He took a slow step forward, she took one back.
"Don't. Please.... leave me alone." She spoke, then walked away.

Please note the changes I made.

So... it's a pretty promising scene, but nothing really happens --it's just a scene. Maybe make it into a prologue?

~Azila

Yeah, this isn't poetry. So I'm going to move it to other fiction.

Also, it's much too short of a story for us to actually give a good critique on. It's too simplistic, short.

The rain slashing her cheek.

This isn't a complete sentence.

I agree with the previous replies. It seems like an incomplete idea. So little happens in it, that I almost assumed you pressed the "Submit" button a little early on accident. It's a great blurb, and the descriptions are phenomenal, but it's just too small for it to be appreciated at the value it could be. If you expand on it some more, and finish it with a whole idea, you'll have very few critiques and many more compliments.
Keep on writing! The worst that'll happen is you get better at it!