Eat Me Before You Leave

hello darling

you look a bit gaunt
a little anorexic
hungry

eat me won't you?
just a nibble
I'm delicious
high in the chemicals that make chocolate taste of hugs
and low in sodium

(i can tell by your salty tears that you have had enough)
a snack to keep you sustained
until you find your main course

I am not really one for poetry, but I had a strange little idea, and I thought, 'what the heck?' Anyway I can hardly tell if it classifies as poetry.
Even (or maybe especially) analyzing what the poem (if it can be called that) means would be helpful, I hardly know myself.

Of course it classifies as poetry!

Interesting idea! I haven't really seen anything like this so far, so good for you! And I think it's pretty cool that you use anorexia in that way, and your narrator offered food to the darling. Cool stuff!

As far as a possible analyzation? I think it's rather straightforward, actually. The narrator is begging the other person to eat the narrator, which sounds a bit weird at first (cannibalism, anyone?) but I sort of like the possible meanings behind it. For example, I, as a Catholic, see it as eating the host for communion, where a piece of unleavened bread is transformed into Christ. (And no, you might not believe in that stuff, but that's what I get from it, lol.)

It doesn't quite translate into that, however, because of the nutrition label ending of the poem, where you talk about sodium and everything. And chocolate? As godly as it is, it doesn't quite go with the whole Catholic belief.

I like the last line though, because he narrator is evidently only sustaining the person for a short time... much more is needed. So pretty sweet!

I'm a terrible poet, so take my suggestions with a grain of salt, but here we go!

hello darling
you look a bit gaunt <-- I actually like this introduction. It is so simple that it draws me into the story.

a little bit anorexic <-- You say "bit" in the line before, so it seems repetitive. And "a bit anorexic" is overstating it a little too much, I think.

hungry <-- this actually works because it draws emphasis to the first couple of lines.

eat me won't you? <-- this is very eye-catching, which is a wonderful thing! Because you've hooked the reader in even more and they want to see what happens next.

just a nibble
I'm delicious <-- This made me laugh. ^_^

high in the chemicals that make chocolate taste of hugs <-- Um... can anyone say chemistry geek?

and low in sodium <-- See above comment.

i can tell by your salty tears that you have enough <-- I think this would be better if you put it in parentheses.

a snack to keep you sustained until you find your main course <-- I think this would be better if you made it look like:

a snack to keep you sustained
until you find your main course.

...though that's really your call.

Anyway! Hope that helps!

Wow, this is an original idea : ) So well done for that, like!

"hello darling
you look a bit gaunt
a little bit anorexic
hungry
eat me won't you?
just a nibble
I'm delicious
high in the chemicals that make chocolate taste of hugs
and low in sodium
i can tell by your salty tears that you have enough
a snack to keep you sustained until you find your main course "

I think you need to work on punctuation abit, to me it seems like it needs it. But then again i can't really say anything as i can't write for toffee. But yea, just my opinion. xD

I love this bit..

"just a nibble
I'm delicious"

Nibble is a cool word.

Anyway, i'm waffling about absouletly nothing now so i'm going to shut up. All in all super. : D

^-^
Byes,
Sarah xx

Yes...well, all in all great. Not too shabby. Better than my own writing thats for sure. The word "bit" being used twice so close together does make it sound a "bit" repetitive but overall....good job. And yes, that DOES classify as poetry.

ChurlishLassy wrote:hello, darling.
¶
you look a bit gaunt.
a little [s]bit[/s] anorexic.
kind of hungry.
¶
eat me, won't you?
[s]just a nibble[/s]
I'm delicious.
[s]high in the chemicals that make chocolate taste of hugs[/s]*
and low in sodium
¶
i can tell by your salty tears that you have had enough
a snack to keep you sustained until you find your main course

*I think there needs to be something here, but this line is a little too trippy. I would stick to the theme of saltiness, for effect.

I'm also not sure I like "main course" in the last line, but I'm not sure what I would put there instead.

All in all, though, I found this very interesting. I see lots of interesting interpretations, and not all of them are school (or YWS) appropriate. Was that intentional?

All excellent suggestions! Great feedback, makes me want to continue to try poetry. I corrected it I REALLY appreciate it.
I think it is really cool you at first thought of communion Snoink, that might have been subconsciously in my mind. In history we are looking at the separation of the church, and I liked the part about communion. I am not Catholic, but based on what i have learned recently in history and from my Catholic friends, it seems like a pretty cool religion.
Also Meep, I would really like it is you private messaged me those interpretations, I can't really see how it can be interpreted as inappropriate. (I guess that answers your question) Anyway I have done very little poetry analyze so any interpretation would help TONS.