Jumping Jax

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Jax fervently swore in a dozen languages. He payed no attention as to whether the words were actually swear words.

A sandy-furred alien, Kuust, popped his head out of the "manhole," which was what the engineers of Ninth Galaxy called the large underfloor lab.

"What's the matter Jax?" He pinned his ears back against his head because of Jax's blasphemy.

"I'm sorry, but my mechanical talent went down the hyperspace chute."

"I know what you mean. It's happened."

"Ah, they made a mistake..." Jax's talent, sometimes said with a capital T, was literally discovered as a punishment. He was on a penal colony and had been forced to fix the station's many broken and antique machines.

After coming to Ninth Galaxy, five years ago, he'd lost a lot of his anger. What was left was an easygoing mechanic who knew a starship like his own mind.

Kuust stirred him from his memories. "It's time to go. The shift's up."

"O-k, blindfold me. I hate that ether-lithium converter." Jax quickly regained his wit.
"The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart."
Miles Vorkosigan

"You can be an author if you learn to paint pictures with words."
Brian Jacques




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Okay... this isn't much different from the piece with the same title you posted a while ago. It's still far too short and far too disjointed to really properly critique. This seems to just start and stop very suddenly, with no real substance in between.

Like I said before, expand! Readers need to have meat to sink their teeth into, and critiquers need something they can sink their teeth into and rip completely to shreds.

-St. Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate :pirate3:
"2-4-6-8! I like to delegate!" -Meshugenah
"Teague: Stomping on your dreams since 1992." -Sachiko
"So I'm looking at FLT and am reminded of a sandwich." -Jabber



i love writing and i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing
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