Giant Wolves - prolouge

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Prologue

“Goneck, although I am sure that you have thought over it many times, I am inclined to ask of you whether you acknowledge and are aware of the dangers and harm that could come upon you if you continue with the task that you have just proposed.” Brothfear said.
“I am well aware of the dangers that may daunt my task.” Goneck replied serenely. “If and when it comes I will be ready to face it.” Brothfear nodded and wagged the tip of his tail unconsciously, obviously impressed and satisfied by this answer.
“Well then due to the certainty with which you have just answered my question and many other factors we have approved of your proposal, you may journey at whatever time you think best. We ask one thing of you before you leave and that is that hopefully you will you take your human to meet The Circle for they will greatly appreciate it and your human will receive much knowledge from them as well.”
Goneck nodded from the spot where he was sitting on his haunches, looking up at the Mirgten wolves. They all encompassed gentle faces, which held illustrious knowledge and compassion. Most of them were aged ones whose fur had turned into a metallic grey color and the fur around their eyes had grown longer, giving the onlooker an impression of ones who had seen much and experienced the weariness of the world on their shoulders. There were six Mirgten members in all. Of them, two were alphas, female and male. The latter were aged wise senior wolves who had been elected out of their wisdom to govern alongside their alphas.
“You may go.” The alpha wolf said; he spoke with an air of authority and pride. He, Brothfear, and his mate Yunatun were large wolves. Brothfear had long thick fur, which exaggerated his large size to an even more impressive bulk. He had a remarkable coat of white fur that shined like silk when catching the light from any object. The fur around his collar was thick and broad that made his chest look considerable and gave him an appearance of the most illustrious fabrics of the kings of old being wrapped around his neck. He had large ears and a long and bushy tail that increased his size in length. Brothfear was an amazing warrior, as well as wise. He could be considered reckless at times, but the good of his tribe always came first in his conscience.
“Wait.” the female alpha wolf called out as she climbed off the ledge from where her mate and she usually positioned themselves. Goneck stopped and watched her as she went into a tunnel that led into another chamber in the large cave. Yunatun could be considered to be almost his exact opposite at times. She had a soft brown coat. Her physique was large, but thin. Her coat was long as well, but not dense. Her eyes were soft and had an almost silver tinge to the usual gold rings that colors the wolf’s eyes. She had a long handsome snout and picturesque ears. Their pack had often said that their alpha male could only be complete with Yunatun at his side for she was his source of judgment and guidance. Brothfear’s recklessness was kept in check by Yunatun, and when his decisions were unsettling Yunatun would always be there to calm the hearts of the ones at question and come to terms with them and in more than one occasion her decision had been far better than the one of her mate. She was more than just a mate of an alpha wolf. The wolves of their pack looked to her for wisdom just as much as they did from Brothfear.
She soon reappeared with a chain. Goneck knew immediately what it was. It was ‘The Crest of Exodiox’. She carefully slipped the necklace over Goneck’s head. She then picked up her paw and stamped it firmly on Goneck’s right paw, he winced at her powerful press, and removed it after a moment. Goneck looked down at his paw and saw the same crest as the one that was on the necklace. He looked up with sparkling eyes at the calm face of the alpha.
“Don’t let us down. We have great faith in you Goneck Feliv. Good Luck.” Goneck bowed in gratitude and made his way out of the cavern and back out to the forest. Many wolves were roaming around, far more than there had been before the great slaughter, the pack’s increasing size was thanks to the discretion practiced by all the wolves, but the growing population of the wolves would prove a problem for they were running out of habitat space and every day brought them closer to interactions with a human. Goneck winded through the various heavily trodden trails and made his way to his home.

Goneck sought out the den in which he and his family occupied and clambered inside. When the wolves had settled here, there was only need for two dens, they were large enough to house at least twenty full grown adult Giant Wolves, but the increasing number of wolves has forced them to create another five more. Most of the dens reached underground for under there the air was cooler and it also saved them the work of building the dens upward and making them more at a risk of being seen.
“Father, the Mirgten agreed to let me go!” Goneck shouted as he ran toward his father, Duketup, whom he singled out from all the other wolves that occupied the cave. Usually it was law that only the alpha male and female wolves could have the privilege of giving birth to young, but his father was the younger brother of the Brothfear, and he had allowed his younger brother to create a family of his own. Brothfear thought that it would be a good way to expand the pack, but this was allowed solely with the condition that Brothfear and Yunatun’s offspring would stay as heir to the position of alpha.
Duketup looked up at his son’s arrival and pushed himself up to his feet. Goneck ran up and stopped in front of his father and sat down politely.
“Did they?” Duketup asked. He lowered his great head to Goneck’s level and nuzzled him. “I’m so proud of you.” He slowly lowered himself to the ground and Goneck came up to him and settled himself between his father’s front legs.
“So am I.” said Goneck as he got up suddenly and clambered up his father’s neck and sat on his collar, placing his forepaws between his ears. Duketup laughed and rolled his head to the side to look at his son. “Father, to tell you the truth, I don’t know when I will be back. It might be twelve full moons later, or even the whole fourteen.” Goneck looked at his father hesitantly. “Is that ok?”
“Of course it is son. I already knew this.”
“You did?” Goneck asked a bit relieved.
“Yes. Just remember to comfort your mother before you leave, it’s not going too easy for her to let her only son leave and not see him for that long. You’ll be half grown by then, who knows, maybe even more.” Goneck nodded and jumped off.
“I’ll be sure to do that.” He said solemnly. Goneck stared into his father’s gentle eyes and felt a deep sense of satisfaction come over him. His father was proud of him and that was all Goneck needed to know.
“Just be safe son.” Duketup said finally after a long silence. “And if you ever need anything, you’ve got me and the whole pack behind you.” Goneck smiled and nodded. “Now go find your mother, you should leave soon after that, no reason in prolonging you journey.” Goneck obeyed and ran along to find his mother, Shandalir whom he found sorting some scrolls in the mass cavern. Goneck explained what had been decided and his mother reluctantly, but proudly agreed to let him leave. Goneck gave his mother a heartfelt lick on the cheek and left the cavern. He then left like a shadow detaching itself from its owner and departing without certainty of ever coming back.


The next part of the novel is under the name of 'Elements'
Last edited by chayonz on Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
h a y o n :)

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Hi there! I don't think I've seen you around YWS before. Welcome! I'm Razorblade. :)

I can see some real potential here! You have a few fatal flaws, though; you tend to be a bit wordy, a bit info-dumpy, and a bit more telly than showy. If that made absolutely no sense to you, good- it made no sense to me either. :lol:

What I mean by that is a few different things:

Your word choice is superb, but you tend to use a lot of jargon that's really unneccesary and actually detracts from your work. In school papers, it works wonderfully, but in prose, not so much. Easy on the big words!

Also, I smell some info dumps. Which is bad, because that takes away from the action of your work and slows it down. For example, the following is totally unneccesary:

There were six Mirgten members in all. Of them, two were alphas, female and male. The latter were aged wise senior wolves who had been elected out of their wisdom to govern alongside their alphas. The society of the Mirgten was brought together after the tragedy of wars between the wolves and humans as a source of guidance and leadership. And over the years great respect had been formed for them not only from the ones whom they governed but also from the beasts that crossed their paths or heard of their influence.


And it also leads into my next point, showing versus telling. Info dumps and telling go hand in hand; don't tell me these things. Show me. Keep the action up, sprinkle in exposition sparsely, and use powerful descriptive words. After the above paragraph, you jump back into the action, which is good, but you slip right back into an info dump for the next two paragraphs. Pardon the bluntness and negative connotation, but BORING! No one wants to be lectured. ;)

And all of this comes through practise, which doesn't make perfect but gets you pretty dang close. But I can see the seeds of talent here; we just need to hone that by starting with the above.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to send me a PM. ;)

-St. Razorblade
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This sounds interesting. Intriguing. Your description of wolves is wonderful. However, it does need some major work.

The way you word your first bit of dialogue is weird. I accepted part of it as how they speak, but some of it just doesn't seem grammatically correct or the best way to word it to keep the reader's interest. One change I suggest is changing this
"When it comes, if it does, I will..."

to
"If and when it comes....."
or something along those lines.

Razorblade is right about showing, not telling. Instead of describing and explaining everything outright, hold back info and tell us things like history or what a character looks like through dialogue or actions, respectively. For example, a snipit of the alpha female's description can be placed within this sentence:
Goneck stopped and watched her as she went into a tunnel that led into another chamber in the large cave.

It'd be much better if some of the info about the pack and Goneck's family was held back and explained in a conversation with someone unfamiliar to it later on. Also, I'd kinda like to have more info about what Goneck is doing, but that could be just me.

Overall, it has potential, just needs some rewording and editing! :D
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