Roses and Stones

A void of falling petals
Spiraling down in a symphony
Singing songs we cannot hear
And crashing. Still in silence.

Leaving bare the tearstained fingers
Frostbitten in the soothing water
Thawing slowly, feeling pain
In arresting strikes of anguish.

To let go of one smooth flower
And rest upon another petal
To watch it hover on the surface
Drifting through that chilling stream.

Pluck another dismally
And see it follow all its kind
Taking on that cold embrace
Like air on a chilly evening.

Dwindling the last few markers
Pinpointed at every weak spot
Leaving no room for heavy stones
Sinking slowly to the bottom.

And those roses, floating gently
Cynical to those other stones
Are really balking frozen petals,
Re-planting their seeds in the bank.

---------------------------
Hmm, I had a feeling, I wanted to display it and this was the best way I could think of. It really started off as a picture and a story in my head but it wasn't really an option at the moment. lol. Shred it as needed.

w00t! First comment!

I am going to take all the adverbs out.

A void of falling petals
Spiraling down in a symphony
Singing songs we cannot hear
And crashing. Still in silence.

Leaving bare the tearstained fingers
Frostbitten in the soothing water
Thawing, feeling pain
In arresting strikes of anguish.

To let go of one smooth flower
And rest upon another petal
To watch it hover on the surface
Drifting through that chilling stream.

Pluck another
And see it follow all its kind
Taking on that cold embrace
Like air on a chilly evening.

Dwindling the last few markers
Pinpointed at every weak spot
Leaving no room for heavy stones
Sinking to the bottom.

And those roses, floating
Cynical to those other stones
Are balking frozen petals,
Re-planting their seeds in the bank.

If that version makes you twitch uncontrollably, then most likely you used too many adverbs.

Now! The adjectives will be bolded!

A void of falling petals
Spiraling down in a symphony
Singing songs we cannot hear
And crashing. Still in silence.

Leaving bare the tearstained fingers
Frostbitten in the soothing water
Thawing, feeling pain
In arresting strikes of anguish.

To let go of one smooth flower
And rest upon another petal
To watch it hover on the surface
Drifting through that chilling stream.

Pluck another
And see it follow all its kind
Taking on that cold embrace
Like air on a chilly evening.

Dwindling the last few markers
Pinpointed at every weak spot
Leaving no room for heavy stones
Sinking to the bottom.

And those roses, floating
Cynical to those other stones
Are balking frozen petals,
Re-planting their seeds in the bank.

Some of the adjectives make sense, others have the feeling of WTF? with them. I realize that you want to use personification and all that jazz, but if you want personification, then you have to use more than just adjectives to make it work out for you. So either just delete some of the weird adjectives (cynical?) and use other description (if necessary) or add more description to make it more personifcated. If that is indeed a word, lol.

Some of the imagery in this is beautiful but I do agree that it's crammed with adverbs and adjectives. Don't get me wrong, I think they're very important to poetry but too many can take away from the meaning of the words they support. Basically, follow Snoink's advice on that.

Then you have to work on your punctuation. Here's where I'd punctuate -

A void of falling petals,
Spiraling down in a symphony,
Singing songs we cannot hear
And crashing. Still in silence.

Leaving bare the tear-stained fingers,
Frostbitten in the soothing water;
Thawing slowly, feeling pain
In arresting strikes of anguish.

To let go of one smooth flower
And rest upon another petal,
To watch it hover on the surface,
Drifting through that chilling stream.

Pluck another dismally
And see it follow all its kind,
Taking on that cold embrace
Like air on a chilly evening.

Dwindling the last few markers,
Pinpointed at every weak spot.
Leaving no room for heavy stones
Sinking slowly to the bottom.

And those roses, floating gently,
Cynical to those other stones
Are really balking frozen petals,
Re-planting their seeds in the bank.

Other than that though, I thought it was a very nice poem so well done.

A void of falling petals
Spiraling down in a symphony
Singing songs we cannot hear
And crashing. Still in silence.

Leaving bare the tearstained fingers
Frostbitten in the soothing water
Thawing slowly, feeling pain
In arresting strikes of anguish.

To let go of one smooth flower
And rest upon another petal
To watch it hover on the surface
Drifting through that chilling stream.

Pluck another dismally
And see it follow all its kind
Taking on that cold embrace
Like air on a chilly evening.

Dwindling the last few markers
Pinpointed at every weak spot
Leaving no room for heavy stones
Sinking slowly to the bottom.

And those roses, floating gently
Cynical to those other stones
Are really balking frozen petals,
Re-planting their seeds in the bank.

I agree with Snoink. This poem suffers from an overload of adverbs and adjectives, which muck it all up. Sometimes a barebones description is more powerful, especially in poetry. Think about it--if I mention a house with a wrap-around porch in a poem, with no further description, one reader (let's call him Rob) may think of his aunt's house in North Carolina, and his experiences and memories of that house and porch will bring it to life in his mind. But if I were to go in and say, "the paint is this shade of off-white, and there's ivy climbing up here, and the siding is peeling a bit, and the roof is tipping to one side dramatically, etc etc et al," he's going to struggle to keep that all in mind while still trying to create a vivid mental image. Rob's not going to be as fond of (or at least have as powerful feelings toward) that literary house as he did before.

I also noticed that you did have a few issues with punctuation, particularly in the first two stanzas. I've rewritten it, just putting in different punctuation, below (as an example, of course). Take of it as you will, and if you have any questions as to why I changed something the way I did (or complaints about butchering your otherwise lovely poem) just PM me. ^~

A void of falling petals
Spiraling down in a symphony,
Singing songs we cannot hear
And crashing, still in silence--

Leaving bare the tearstained fingers
Frostbitten in the soothing water,
Thawing slowly, feeling pain
In arresting strikes of anguish--

To let go of one smooth flower
And rest upon another petal--
To watch it hover on the surface
Drifting through that chilling stream--

Pluck another dismally
And see it follow all its kind,
Taking on that cold embrace
Like air on a chilly evening.

Dwindling the last few markers
Pinpointed at every weak spot,
Leaving no room for heavy stones
Sinking slowly to the bottom.

And those roses, floating gently,
Cynical to those other stones,
Are really balking frozen petals,
Re-planting their seeds in the bank.

Thank you all. To tell the truth I know that I overfill my poetry with all those unneeded parts. It's just that the picture is so vivid that I feel more words need to be added. I'll try and edit this when I have time. Thanks for the great crits.

~Rieda